CHEERS TO PUPPY LOVE... IT MAKES THE WORLD SHINE...

It was raining the whole of the afternoon... To be precise the rain started way back in the morning, continued till noon, stopped for a while and started pouring again... The cool breeze with the almost continuous pouring has turned the environment into one amazing and dreamy one... And, it being an off day (yes, finally I’ve managed not to work on a Sunday) I preferred to stay in bed the whole of the morning... Yeah, yeah I wasted the beautiful morning, but it didn’t occur to me till this moment, and even though now it has, considering the amount of trauma that I have been going through the past quarter of the year, I completely deserve to do anything on this earth at any point of any day...

Well, coming back, after the long sleep, and the considerable amount of lazing around, my mind was completely fresh, and hence after a long warm shower, I made myself my much needed coffee... With the huge mug I came to the balcony, where the scattered raindrops in the wind welcomed me with a chilling lingering on my face... Yes, this is what I needed after all the continuous over work of the last few months... And, I was at peace... I pulled a chair to the edge of the balcony, sat with my legs stretched and started sipping on the steaming coffee... And, yeah, as usual I got into a mode of trance with indulgence (sounds familiar??? Yeah, that’s how I feel every time I look into the beauty of my surroundings and get happy for nothing, cuz for me these simple pleasures are the most craved and indulged moments of life, that can make me go completely insane with happiness)... And, yes... That’s when I witnessed something which I would found out to be one of the most delightful events in a very long period... And, this is what this write up of mine is about...

As I was looking out to the rain-washed surroundings (almost empty roads, less vehicles and hardly anyone at sight), and was turning amused by the prettiness of it, I caught glimpse of a teenage boy (preferably in his mid-teens) crossing the road in hurry... Through the silvery layer of the light drizzle I saw a bouquet of what I figured to be pink lilies in his hand... He crossed the road, turned towards the block where my house is and kept walking in the same speed as he was crossing the road... At the first thought, I was a little put off by the idiocracy of the boy, as it really did look foolish to carry flowers in hand and run in this drizzle, cuz it was in fact very cold outside... But then of course he was on a mission to accomplish I’m sure, and hence looked completely oblivious to what I thought or what I felt... Anyway, by now little curious, my eyes followed his moves, and kept looking at till the time I realized he was heading towards the girls’ hostel that’s at the end of my block... And, yes, my stalking eyes did follow him to the gate of the hostel, and waited there to see what would happen next...

The boy took out a phone from his pocket, dialled somebody and spoke for a minute... As he waited, I saw a girl coming out of the hostel with an orange umbrella in her hand, and stood next to the boy... They hugged for half a minute, the girl took the flower bouquet and the boy left after a couple of minutes... The girl went back inside... As my eyes still stayed on the boy, I saw him turning back once he was some steps away from the gate... The girl was standing on the balcony... They waved at each other, and in the next couple of minutes both of them got disappeared from my vision...
The whole thing happened really quickly... The drizzles were still on, and I was still watching it in my conscious mind... But, in my unconscious one, I was thinking about the teenagers I just saw... May be they’re friends or may be a couple... I wasn’t sure, but what I was sure of is the fact that they were in love... Cuz, the passion I just saw was nothing but pure and innocent love... May be it was some special day for them, or maybe it was just a simple occasion, or maybe there was no reason, but the boy took his chance to get flowers for the girl... And the continuous rain, cold or anything for that matter couldn’t stop him from doing so... Instead of preferring to stay back indoors and enjoy a hot soup or a mug of coffee, making the girl smile seemed more important to him... And, that’s how when the entire world was busy avoiding going out, all this little boy wanted to do was to see his sweetheart, for what, 5 minutes...

And suddenly I was amused... At the same time was thinking about my own teenage years... Life was so much simpler and was so pure were the thoughts and the feelings... And, yeah passion used to be at its best despite of all the odds... I remember those days, when we had gone through similar days too... From the little pocket money that we had got, we used to save for Valentine Day’s roses, or Friendship Day’s bands, or for gifts for those who had touched our hearts... Love was all about those small moments when holding hands used to be an event, hugs used to be the solution for all that seemed destructive, and yeah, just a text with ‘Don’t worry, I’m always with you’ meant the world... Love didn’t imply to expensive gifts and so called future-plans, all it meant was the priceless smiles on his/her face for reasons unknown, all it meant was the stolen stares in middle of a busy class, all it meant were the innocent glances in a crowd of friends, all it meant was the text on the mobile exactly when you missed that person, all it meant was the planning to go on the college trip with the difficultly saved pocket-money only so that you can spend more time with the one you had a crush on, yes, in short all it meant was those innocent feelings that were far and far away from all the complexities of life, all the practicalities of life, all the materialistic ambitions of life and more important than anything, far away from any manipulations... And, now, on today’s date, it’s certainly not the same anymore...

Yes, we’ve grown up, and thus have ‘in a convenient way’ turned matured in terms of the way we look at life... And that implies that we’ve learnt to see life in a much more practical way... And, yes that’s where my problem with the concept of ‘being matured’ sources from... Cuz, at the bottom of my heart I realize by turning matured I also have turned to be manipulative... The innocence that I had while looking at the world is not there in me anymore... And even if I would love to deny this, I honestly can’t... And why do I say so??? Cuz, at this ‘matured’ stage of my life, of course I wouldn’t fall in love with someone without analyzing certain things... Of course I wouldn’t fall in love for the sake of ‘love’ itself... Well, maybe I would, but the chances come down to 5% in the bigger picture... Cuz, now my love would revolve around many other factors along with love... Maybe I would want a secure future with the person, socially and financially, and maybe I’m not wrong if I do so... But then, the moment any other reason than only love is attached to the feeling, does it stay ‘love’ anymore??? Of course doesn’t... And, why only love??? For that matter any other relationship or feelings have got fringes attached to it these days... Nothing stays innocent, pure, and of course in its true state anymore...

The worst part of all that I’m feeling right now is the fact that, despite knowing all of it, despite knowing that I’m not being honest, I don’t want to change it... If I may say so, I certainly can, but I don’t want to... Cuz, at the end of the day, I don’t want to be a victim of my innocent feelings, thus sacrificing on anything that I wish to have... And, so I would definitely choose a mid path, where I’m safe, my feelings stay intact within myself, and yet all that I can be happy with (or seem to be happy with, or may be I assume I can be happy with) are in my access... Such is the desire to be happy, where knowingly or unknowingly I get willing to sacrifice the real source of happiness despite knowing it’s just a concept I’m making myself believe in...

Suddenly the cold wind messed up my hair, and along with it I came back to reality... My coffee had turned cold, and sprinkles of the drizzle had started sitting on the edges of the mug... Lazily I took a sip from the cold coffee... But my mind still kept lingering on the sight of the cute teenagers, and I knew it would keep doing so for some time more... Cuz, somehow I still want to be that care-free teenager like these two, who wouldn’t mind doing anything for the sake of feelings, emotions and at the same time be happy about it... Cuz, somehow I still believe in the innocence of feelings rather than being conscious about the practical implications of the same... Cuz, somehow I still believe the true happiness lies in chasing what’s right as per the heart says, and not as per what the brain says... Yes, I might sound foolish to the materialistic world, and even to myself, but this is true, and that what even my heart knows at its deep down true state...

As I finished the coffee, I smiled at myself, and wished we all stayed kids, and never grew up... Who says puppy love is kiddish, foolish and not true love??? If you ask me it’s the truest and the wisest form of love... Cuz, it doesn’t understand anything than love... It knows how to love without expecting anything back... It creates its own world where only love and emotions prevail, and nothing that’s complicated and manipulative... And, the best part, it knows how to make the other person’s life shine bright no matter what the real world is like... And, what could be better than that??? Cuz as opposed to the world of grown-ups where we’re not sure of the existence of anyone else than ourselves, if atleast a bunch of kids and teenagers happen to exist who think of other’s happiness, life would have anyways turned much prettier, and brighter on any given day...

Cheers to love, to the innocent, crazy but completely honest and true puppy love... It surely makes the world shine...

WAKE ME UP WHEN SEPTEMBER ENDS....

(Scribbled while strolling on a dreamy Goan beach, when I met the 'ME' that always longed for the one who got away, long ago...)

Well, September ended, and as always I didn't intend to wake up... After so many years of coming the lyrical and musical excellency of Greenday's famous lines into existence, it's more like a cliché so say anything about waking up when September ends... But eventually, everyone does find his or her own reasons to connect something to this cliché of September ending, and yeah, waking up...And for me, certainly does September bring a layering bruise, each year, atleast so for the last 4 years... Well, for reasons strictly to my personal failure in love, and with an impression insanely irresponsible to everyone around; September happens to make me wish I was asleep all month long... Yeah, September truly was a more than a month in my happy days, making me the closest to my love once, which eventually also turned into a month I would like not to experience, for, it made me away too, for ever from him... And that's how, I'm sure, year on year, I would keep gathering these layers until one day I decide to rub all of them off, maybe suddenly out of the blue, or maybe after a certain amount of precautious efforts... Till then, I would, maybe I would, keep weeping along with the lyrics, and keep repeating the, by now cliché, phrase...

Coming back, it was Goa this September end, and it was a carefully planned attempt to get away from the monotone of my so called busy life... And that was why, I hardly had anyone completely familiar along with me while I decided to land in the coastal town of South West India... Unlike other trips of mine, I needed to be on my own, and that's how it was, when I actually realized barring one, I knew noone in the group... Last week of the month, weekend, and also almost done with the monthly chaos, more than enough reasons for a quick getaway... And while we decided to make a budget trip, I was too, although reluctantly, fine doing so, as I needed a different sort of experience... It was li'l insanely for someone like me, who hates troubled travelling, but nonetheless, somehow we managed to land where we intended to, after travelling for almost around 16 hours, not to forget, after changing our vehicles twice...Somehow, the spirit was high, and that's how we appeared to be still energetic... And finally when we landed in the beach town, we realized, well, it was worth the trouble....Yeah... Sea, beach, sand and some amusing vibes, yeah it was actually something that lifts away the chaotic frustration from any mind...

As the experience of the small town started getting into my nerves I realized every bit of those reasons why this tiny li'l town was what it was to the people all across the globe... Everyone seemed extremely busy being in their happiest states, noone bothered what others were upto, and everyone greeted everyone with a smile on his/her face... Somehow the whole ambiance was brilliant, and worth being away from the city... And, suddenly I gathered the feeling that maybe, maybe I would start everything afresh in all areas of my life, once the 4 days long trip saw its end, for, I was sure of getting my mind refreshed up, and also my soul rejuvenated during my stay here... And surely I didn't want to sleep off the last days of September, to wake up once it ended, cuz certainly I was hoping to enjoy more with open eyes than dreaming away in sleep... Well, hardly had I known that no matter however I kept repeating it to be a cliché; I would anyways land up, as always, being a part of it...

It was precisely, 29th of September, on a much hyped beach of Goa... After roaming on endless beaches all evening, it was time we took a li'l rest, and what better could have been than the warm sandy beach by the continuous waves of the Arabian Sea, under the starlit turquoise sky, and not to forget a mixed floating musical backdrop... Yeah, this was how I always wanted my evenings to be, and that added the extra bit of amazing fulfilled twist to my experience... I was happy, in a really happy state, and in my own world of pure indulgence...Right then, yeah right then, in middle of the ecstatic environment, I was hit by a sight that brought me down straight to where I had always started... To there, where, my sorrow haunted me, my bruised soul screamed, and yeah, there where I never willingly wanted to go back, but eventually ended up going back again and again...

On that silvery beach, to my left, at a mere distance of 15 meters, was a group of guys, most likely to be bachelors, in their own world with an enormous amount of liquors, fags and of course music... In that group of around 10 guys, there were 2, strumming on their guitars, and the others joining them in singing out loud, sometimes continuously, and sometimes in bits and pieces... Although, there was no staged harmony in the musical tribute, yet it was no less than a bunch of sheer careless joy floating around, cuz of the vibes from the music created by those almost hung over guys in the gang... We, the group I was in, started enjoying the scene and the music too, and in no time, we joined the gang of guys, only to realize we did good doing so... Well, till then nothing apart from the joy and music had caught ours, particularly my attention...But, at one point, suddenly I felt my heart skip, violently, and I realized, I was almost in the verge of being numb with surprise, or should I say shock... And what caused that??? A sight that I never thought I would experience in this way, atleast not in this sudden, non-planned trip of mine... Yeah, to my horror, or terror, or to my anonymous emotional shock, I spotted a face in that gang, which, once upon a time, was the most important one in my life... A face, that used to inspire me all through, to think beyond; a face that used to remind me always that I was loved and cared; a face that always used to show that I was special; and yeah, a face that used to have all the reasons to make me smile... And now, I saw that one face, humming along with the beats of the guitar, just, just a few meters away from where I was sitting… I was in utter loss of words, and maybe expressions too, cuz, I didn't know how to react and, thereby, in a word, I stood still where I was... Yeah, in that small crowd that face was there too, that resembled the person, with whom I was in a relationship for a very long, or a very short, duration of 4 and half years...I couldn't really understand whether it was my illusion, or he was really there... Maybe he was actually him, or maybe he just resembled only on face... But, the bygone 3 years that we were not in touch were more than enough for me to gather a layer of dust on my confidence to be happy to see him....

I didn’t know how to react, I couldn't decide whether I should pay more attention to him to find out if he was the same guy I was assuming him to be, or should I just run away from the place, to just escape from the already turned strange situation... My eyes were unfaithful to me, and despite my cruel attempts to resist, they concentrated on that face... And, then, there he was, taking a pause from humming, and suddenly staring back at me, and also waving at me, for, he knew I was continuously looking at him, maybe taking him to be somebody else... Then, and only then, I realized, all this while, I actually was in an illusion, cuz, no doubt he had a similar face, but if I was li'l more attentive, I would have known that he was not the same person I was thinking him to be...

We exchanged li'l gestures, exchanged pleasantries, and I pretended I was enjoying the music and the evening... But, inside me had already started a battle... I was unable to figure out why I had to mistake a stranger's face to be someone I was not supposed to think of... I had no clue why on earth, of all the people, this one particular face, I keep going back searching for, almost all the time, which had decided to part ways from my life years ago, and at a point I needed him the most... I failed to understand why after gathering so much bitterness from his actions I still managed to fool myself around not to scrape away his memories from my mind... I didn't know, and could never justify, why I, despite being always repellent towards accepting pain, still brought back memories that hardly spared my heart of bleeding... And, I had no answer to myself, why on earth, of all the moments I choose the happiest and also the saddest one, to hallucinate about him around me… And, this time, while it was my happiness that was supposed to keep me occupied, I decided to spot someone resembling his face and thus brought him back to my world… And, honestly I fail to understand, why I did so…And, that somehow makes me realize, that, maybe it’s been always like that, that whenever I’m in my own world of happiness, and joy, I end up looking for that particular person around me… Maybe it’s always been like that, that I actually never let that person leave my memories and my imagination… Maybe, it’s always been like that, that I kept that person alive in my world of fantasy and illusion… Or, maybe it’s always been like that, that I decided to be this way forever, atleast to be with him in my world of dreams…And, honestly, this doesn’t make me really happy, in my practical state… And, in my consciousness, I always look for opportunities to just stay away from all of it… But, alas, an illogical idiot and a lost-in-love heart don’t have much differences, and maybe, maybe that’s why similar evenings like this one would keep coming back repetitively to my life, and yeah, I’m so certain about it…

The silvery moonlit beach was no less than a fairytale land, the whispering waves made the already amazing place even more dramatic… As I got back to my senses, recovering slowly from the shock of the sudden moment crossing my path a while ago, I decided to take a walk down the edges of the dancing waves… I took my slippers off and soaked my feet in the sandy water… I felt fresh… As I walked a li’l inside the water I realized, maybe, maybe my memories are like these waves; that come to touch the edges again and again, but also go back to unknown limits the next very moment, and that’s how they’re meant to be… And, actually, that’s a good thing, cuz, what’s the point scraping away some beautiful moments from life, only cuz they somehow got overshadowed by some bad ones… And, so, it's alright even if my memories bring back that one person to my life again and again... Somehow, the thought made me feel a li’l better... I started letting myself loose on the soaked sand…


I looked back at the still happily singing guys... They were now playing Greenday… ‘Wake me up when September ends…’… I smiled in the dark... Yeah, like every other year, this year too, I found my reason to hum the same… I smiled to myself… But this time, I smiled with a certain freshness in my breath… Cuz, I was certain, maybe like this evening, and the past many, every year I would continue finding the same, and well, that would again be a logically completely unrelated, but strangely related reason to me…Nonetheless, I would not be scared to love to get lost in the feeling... But I would also make sure that, I would wait, to get woken up, when September actually ends… Cuz, like the way the waves go back inside the sea to be the calm surface of water, I'm sure my life would also find reasons to get normal, once the disturbing rush of memories fade away...

MOTHER'S DAY'S EVE AND A THOUGHT... MISS YOU MOMU...

These days everywhere I go I see advertisements on how to choose the perfect gift for your mom... Well, why not... Just 3 more days to go and it's Mother's Day... All the shopping portals online, almost all the food and beverage outlets, almost all retail stores, and yes, almost all the brands that are on women-oriented products, kids-oriented ranges and even male-oriented ones, are airing advertisements on relationships with one's mom and thereby giving continuous tips on how to make the special lady feel really special on the special day... No doubt, these are amazingly done emotional pieces and can connect so very well with anyone and everyone, even if he or she is not the most emotional kind, living on earth... And, as a passionate advertising professional these really draw my attention and I happen to go through each of the lot... And, that's when this realization of mine takes me on for a stroll that they are actually influential... Cuz, these days I'm missing my mom, more than I generally do, and somehow I have put an effort to strike a conversation with her more frequently than I generally do... And, here I go, with my most genuine way to show my feelings, which happens to be scribbling down my emotions, and yes, this note of mine is to especially say that 'I love you' to the most amazing lady in my life, my Momu...

Well, from time to time, I do keep scribbling on my Momu and Dita... And, mostly things happen this way that, I happen to prefer Dita when it comes to talk on exciting things... He, being the coolest dad ever one can imagine,
makes me feel that I'm the best daughter alive in the universe and that somehow makes me walk on seventh heaven, and that's how I prefer sharing most of my good-bad-ugly things with him, rather than dragging Momu into those... This is mainly cuz, I always had and still do, a feeling that Momu, being the tough lady I can ever think of meeting all my life, would criticize me and my what-and-why-abouts and probably at times that would hit me on my weak points... And, this feeling of mine has been there, stuck in my head from time unknown, probably since the time I was a kid... If I remember
correctly, during my school days too I had acted a complete rowdy and illogical with my Momu, and on the contrary always acted the sanest and the most innocent kid when it came to be with my Dita... And, that's how my impression on my Momu and Dita was completely different from each other and towards two extremities... While my Momu knew the actual me, Dita always saw the best of me... Nonetheless, I grew up the same way and when I came away from both of them for my studies and then work, things never changed... And, I hardly had a feeling that they
would ever do...

But then, as time has been passing by, and I have been growing up, I realize, I have developed an unavoidable urge to walk on my mom's shoes and be like her... Yes, somehow, I have started to wish to be the combination of so many amazing qualities that my mom is... A combination of unbreakable toughness when it comes to patience, the unshakable focus when it comes to get where she wishes to be, the forever-composed serenity when it comes to handling her kids, the unmistakable passion to make her family the happiest on earth and most importantly the never-ending love for almost everything that's fair and justified...Well, it's so obvious that, even if I keep trying all my life, this birth and also next two, combined, I won't be able to be half as what she already is... The plain reason being, no matter what, I would always lack the maturity, intelligence, passion, drive and most importantly the personality of what it takes to be my Momu... And, most definitely I'm certain that every single lady on earth would agree to this truth that no matter what, they can never be like their moms... And actually, we feel proud about this, and most certainly we should, cuz having the most gorgeous and amazing mom is one of the rarest blisses in life and truly speaking, it's pure luck...

Coming back, yeah, as I have been adding pages to the calender of my life, I realize, I have been growing to build up the passion to be like my Momu... And, I actually amazed myself when I first realized this... Cuz, considering my preference to my dad all these years of my life, I was most obviously supposed to be wanting to be like him... Yeah, it's a fact that I'm filled with more traits similar to my dad than my mom, but when it comes to be like them, I have developed an honest and very very strong wish to be like my mom... Suprisingly for me, that was not what I had ever consciously decided, and so in my senses I never planned that way, never wished that way and most importantly never thought that way... And therefore, first time when I realized the same, I happened to ignore it, thinking that's cuz I had met her and spent some more time than usual with her just prior to getting the streak of that sort...

Yeah, it was my last visit home, when I had actually spent some quality time with my mom... It was last summer, and mom and me had in true sense bonded for the very first time, and soon it had turned into a mature friendship... For the first time in my 25 years old life, she decided that I was mature enough to confide on, and that's how we shared so much over those endless cups of tea (tea being my mom's favourite, and for a change I never complained on getting served tea rather than my trademark coffee!), over those quiet sittings in the kitchen, over those walks on the terrace, and also over those busy rushing arounds... And, to my surprise, I had actually seen a completely diffrerent personailty of my mom from the one I had always known... I realized, behind that tough and never-back-down face of my Momu, there still exists a vulnerable lady, who hides all her fears behind that tough outlook... I realized, like any soul on earth she also has her insecurities, her fear of losing what she has, her fear of facing the worst, her fear of losing out anything priceless on her family and kids, and most importantly her fear of losing the love of anyone whom she loves and cares for... I realized, although she has grown up to be the strong and powerful identity that she is, who can make anyone tremble with the mere strength in her voice, yet she still has the innocence of a kid at heart... Like a kid, she too gets scared of the dark and complex, like a kid she also gets afraid to face the difficult and alien, and like a kid she also wants someone to protect her and put their arms around her when she's down and blue... I also realized, that, it's her will-power and the drive to make it happen, that takes her all along to make everyone's life such smooth and easy, such picture perfect and most importantly such happy and blessed...

As for me, this came as a sheer surprise, and along with that also as an eye opener.... Cuz, as far as I remember till then, I hardly knew of an incident when my mom had lost her cool, and had reacted in a way that couldn't be mended... She had never ever let anything bad come on us, she had never ever let our smiles fade, she had never ever let my dad face anything alone and most importantly she had never shown any weaknesses as far as my memory could reach... But, now she told me that, all those times, whenever any difficulty had taken its stroll on us and our family, she was equally scared like my dad, me and my brother... But then, she would never be impatient, cuz she knew, if she did, the rest of us would even not have the courage to think about solving those mazes... She told me, everytime she saw the slightest trace of tension on my dad's face, she was even more worried than him, but she always managed to hide it, cuz she always realized that if she didn't, dad would have no way to justify his courage to fight those tensions...

I was at a loss of words... My Momu, whom I knew to be almost of non-emotional kind, had so much to pour out... I was amazed when I tried looking back at time... From the very first memory of mine with my mom, I remebered her to be the tough and never-forgiving lady who teaches Assamese literature, and the slightest mistake on grammer from her students drove her crazy... I remembered her to be the one who tried teaching me the same too and other subjects along and which used to be something I could never like... I remembered her to be the strict mother who never used to like me mingling with each and everybody around, and which used to make me question 'why'... I remembered her to be the strong mother who could criticize me when I was wrong, even though I hated it then... And all these memories of mine had made me relook at those once again when I realized that I had always known a complete different facet of my Momu before that particular day...

Well... Things somehow started changing from then on... I could so much relate to my mom after that, so much better than before... I could so realize how it is to be a woman of strong responsibilities, and even stronger urge to carry them on... In a word, I could realize what it is to be someone like my Momu... And probably this realization has also made me realize that even without my own knowledge it was always her, whom I want to see myself to be like, one day... It was always her who I actually aspire to be, personally and also professionally... Such strong was and is her influence on me.... Yeah, probably it was always like that, without even me knowing the same...

And that's how, these days, as I see all these advertisements and write-ups on Mothers' Day celebration, all the emotions regarding one's mom, everything that describes the bonding between mom and her kids, these truly make me realize the priceless relationship one shares with his/her mother... I get emotionally touched, miss my own Momu, mostly go back to those warm and quality time spent with her... And, mostly also start regreting those times, when I had actually not bothered to know her deeper and in a true manner... I regret for not putting any effort to make her realize that I could be her best friend, that I could be the one she could share her real feelings with, that I could be her 3 am friend... I regret for not knowing the priceless gift God had always kept just next to me... But, nonetheless, I know it now...

And, so, this is to let you know my Momu, that probably I'm late in trying to know you better, but I'm trying now... I promise one day I would definitely succeed in being your friend... I promise one day you would feel proud of me, if not for anything else, for the plain reason of making myself stand upto be the one you could put your trust and faith in... I promise, I would most definitely make you feel happy on the fact that I've grown up to be like you... Yeah, Momu, all I wish to be is loke You... Cuz, knowingly or unknowingly you're the inspiration that makes me fight anything difficult coming on my way... Thanks for being there Momu... You would never be able to measure, how each and every word of yours have started being the source of pure inspiration in my life lately...

Love you with all my heart Momu... You're the most gorgeous, the bravest and the most amazing mom I could have ever asked God for...

CLOSER TO HIS HEART....

She looks out of the window, sitting at the backseat of the car…Her eyes are glued to the dew-dropped early morning city landscapes…The sun is up somewhere and the golden rays have spread their sparkle to everything around, and the morning looks like an elegantly dressed princess… What’s more, the sunrays have also spread tender warmth around…And, the sight of this morning has soaked her soul into some pure happiness…Her childlike face seems more vibrant than usual and she turns to the guy driving the car, ‘It’s so damn cool this morning, nay Rishi??’

‘You forget, Rishi is gone baby’, comes the reply from the driver’s seat…Ritwik, who’s driving the car finds it really funny that she doesn’t recall leaving Rishi in the airport this morning…’Hmmmm, well, I remember, just that slips out of my mind’, she gets little red to explain why she just called Ritwik Rishi and thus hides her disappointment that her best friend is not in the city anymore…And, surprisingly enough, this is the first time it occurs to her mind…

She leaves her back to the seat…And thinks of all those times she’s going to miss Rishi…Rishi being her best friend, and also that person who knew her exactly the way she is, makes it always easy for her to lean on him every time she needs someone…And, for the last 3 years, he has been carrying his responsibility of being her best friend so well that she never had to worry about being alone…After her 5 years long relationship with her boyfriend was over, Rishi was the friend she looked up to for taking her frustration out.. He was there when she needed to lean on his shoulders cursing her boyfriend, he was there when she needed to make a 3 am phone call cribbing how sleep refuses to arrive in her eyes, he was there when she needed to go on a long drive on the highway to avoid the suffocation in her room, he was there when she needed to eat at 2 am in the morning for skipping her dinner while busying herself crying, he was there when she fell sick of not eating for weeks together…Yes, he was always there…Always there, making her avoid those tears, making her smile with those little funny tales, making her find a way to see the lights ahead, and making her walk on the rough and dark tunnel she was on that time…Almost every evening he had taken her out on long drives because he knew that was one thing that could make her feel better…Almost every morning he had picked her up to college because he knew otherwise she would miss classes…Almost every moment spent with her he clicked a million pictures of hers because he knew that was one thing that made her happy like never before… Yes, almost every day he had made sure that she went home with a smile on her face… And, during all those times, she didn’t know how, but she started developing a dependence on him, and that continued…

Things kept going…They passed out with their masters’ degree to their credit…She took up a job in a different city, and he stayed back in the old…But they remained friends…In fact that was the time, their friendship became even stronger…They could call each other their best friend…And, suddenly she knew, he was one friend she would treasure for life…He was always there without her asking for him…During all her problems, during all her happinesses, during all her running tears, during all her shining smiles…yes, he was always there…Even during when he was fighting to save his own relationship with his long time girlfriend, he was with her supporting her…And, also then, when he himself was standing alone, yet he never let her feel alone…And, without her knowing she felt, he would be there always…

A month back, she came back to the city where she studied and in a true meaning, grew up…He was the one who managed to convince her to come back here, because he knew this was the place that actually could make her happy, although she refused to agree to that…But, she agreed to him on coming back here and one fine day she packed her bag and baggage and came back…And, in a true way, she was happy…Everything that made sense in her life was here…The city had so much to offer and thereby to make her happy that she was overwhelmed with the unexpected happiness that she was experiencing here…She had all her friends around her, she had her kid brother accompanying her, she had her favourite food stalls here, she had her favourite chilly breeze continuously blowing here, she had her favourite coffee shops here, yes everything she adored had all their glorious presence here…And, with Rishi by her side to protect and support her, life turned into a complete fairytale…

Then, one day Rishi tells her about his decision to move out of the country…He tells her that he wants to go abroad for a while to figure out what he exactly wants from life…Well, she gets really happy for him…She always knew that he always wished to go around the world, and due to various commitments he was not able to…But, now since finally he’s leaving, she gets truly happy…He tells her that they would always stay best friends and she trusts him…His words makes her feel even happier and she knows all their lives, they going to be friends to die for…She tells him, she would come to see him off…He tells her not to come, but her arrogance makes he agree to her coming to the airport…And finally today early morning she comes with all of them to the airport, has all the fun together before he gets his boarding pass and then waits for him to check in for immigration…

Everything was just so perfect, till that moment…Then comes the time, when he checks in and waves his hands and disappears on the staircases…All of a sudden, something triggers in her heart and her heart skips a beat…Suddenly she realizes, she is feeling restless and her soul is getting soaked in some unknown pain…She realizes, she is longing to see his face and since she can’t, it’s making her feel helpless…She tries her best to get a glimpse of his face, but there is no way she can…She tries his phone, he picks up and whispers that he’s in immigration check and would call her back once it’s over…Her heart skips even faster…His friend, who came along with them tells her that it’s time they move out of the airport…This friend gets some hints of her sadness, so he holds her palm and makes her walk along with him…They reach the parking lot…

She sits at the back seat, and drowns in her own thoughts…And that’s when she looks out of the window, and gets amused with the beauty of the morning…And, that’s when she excitedly calls for Rishi asking his opinion on the beautiful morning…And, that’s also when she gets her reality check that Rishi is not with her anymore…And, when she realizes, Rishi is gone her eyes suddenly turns moist…The bright sunny gorgeous morning fails to draw her attention anymore…Her tears start falling down slowly…She realizes, she is missing him…Missing him like she had never ever imagined she would…All she can think now is about him sitting next to her comforting her when she needed him the most…And, suddenly her heart weeps…It weeps like a child, screaming for its mother…It feels helpless like a caged kitten…It soaks in a sea of emotions that she can’t help saving it from…And, she’s left perplexed, what’s wrong with her…

And, then she realizes, probably, all this time, she overlooked what her heart kept feeling…Probably she didn’t have a way to see that she was starting to feel for the guy whom she thought to be her friends…Probably she failed to see that her emotions were running deeper than she was assuming to be…Probably she wasn’t able to understand that in those carefree moments she had started taking him as someone, more than a friend…Yes, probably she was blind to many a things happening around her, around him, and around them…But, today, as she has let him go to a place he wished to, she realizes, truly her heart wants him close her…So close that, his breathes would be on hers, his arms would be around her and she would know that, that is what she was missing all these times, when he was there but she had failed to understand…
She sighs…The car was running faster now…Into the city…Away from him…But, she knows, the more the distance between them increases, the more she is moving closer to him…closer to his heart…And, a smile appears on her lips…A smile, that brightens her face, more than the sunrays can brighten the morning…

A CUP OF COFFEE...AND A LOVE STORY...

Well, I'm always known for my faith and beliefs in fairytale stories, utter madness, and things that hardly have an explanation...And at times, I prove that I'm crazy to do so...Especially, when it comes to my love, I guess, I go beyond the reality and even imagination...'Cuz, I truly believe that fairytales do exist...Well, it's sad that once my own fairytale had witnessed a terrible reality check, but, hell no, it couldn't really lessen my faith in them...And, today, as I listened to the story of one my friend, I knew, I was never wrong...Fairytales do exist, very very very much...And, when they happen, the world does turn to a better place to be in...

Well, it was time, finally real life at Bangalore had taken off for me...After 2 weeks long pure indulgence, I had begun the life of a normal 25 years working girl...And that included major travelling in the morning hours, reaching office on time, sipping on the most readily available coffee and working minimum of 12 hrs a day...But, had no way to complain cuz it's the way I've chosen to be and I'm completely aware that, a chosen life comes with little difficulty...Nonetheless, I have found a way to cope up and hence this innings in Bangalore was going lilltle more than fine...And, it is one of these days when this friend of mine rang me to inform that he's just a little away from my office...It was lunch time, hardly any pressure at work and I was actually dying for a chilled coffee...So got happy to take a break and came out of my office (that had found its existence in a place you can't really believe exists unless and until you visit it...Well, it's better not discussed)...

In about ten minutes found my friend waiting for me and he, knowing my craze for coffee, let me decide that we sat in the coffee shop...As we sipped on our personal favourites, we started discussing anything and everything that makes sense and also that is far from making sense...But we enjoyed this little break from an otherwise powerpacked day...As we mocked each other, and made fun out of nothing, also got into discussing things that made their marks on the list of our life priorities...And that's when he told about one of the sweetest love stories I have heard till date, and yes, you guessed it right, it is of his own...

Being a guy, busy in his mischivious bests, and one who shies away from girls, this friend of mine was an all-surrounded-by-guys-and-no-girls type...And he managed to continue the same way till he completed his graduation...And then it was time for an MBA and he landed up in Bangalore...Well, that time he didn't have an idea that Bangalore was about to offer much more than just a degree...Fresh out of college and on the verge of starting a grown up life, yes, it was the time to forget the world and get busy with the fun of maturing...And that's when it happened...

It was the first week in college, and he, along with his gang were loitering in the campus...That was the time, he saw her...With her large transparent kohl applied eyes, she glanced at him as she walked by...Nobody would have noticed it and even if they did, it was just another incident for them...But, who knew, that was a moment his world started changing...Somehow he couldn't stop himself from staring into those eyes and he gathered his courage to walk upto her to say something, 'Hey, you have got very beautiful eyes'...Well, a simple and common line, that every guy has tried atleast once in their life...But, in his case, it was something, he had said for the first time and most importantly he had meant it...Well, as it should be, the girl paid the least heed to it, and came a rude reply from her, 'I already know it'...It was obvious she didn't believe him, and for many, it would have been something like 'The story was over before it started'...

But, destiny make us do the most unususal, the most shocking and the craziest things which we don't really believe we can do...Yes, the same thing repeated with my friend too...The guy who used to prefer staying atleast half a kilometre away from girls, started gathering his courage together to steal few glances from this girl...He made sure the minutest opportunity to come face to face with the girl doesn't get slipped away, the smallest occasion to strike a conversation doesn't get blown away, and most importantly the slightest moment of looking into those dark deep eyes doesn't get missed out...Yes, finally, it was time he was in love...People do all crazy and idiotic things in love, he did too...He always tried to make things happen in a way that gave him little more time with her...He always got into the team where she was, for his group presentations, he always sat at the table where she ate her lunch, and one day, they became friends...And then they became the best of friends...All these time, things kept happening...The guy, who was uncontrollable turned into one composed and matured being, he found his balance in life and most importantly found someone who could calm his wild side down, with just few words...

And, then, one day he gathered his courage once again, to propose to her...Most obviously she refused...She had her reasons...They had differences of their own...They were from completely different backgrounds, societies and cultures...But, when love happens, other reasons lose their depth and meanings...People also say, you wait for a lifetime for the one you love...He did too...He was determined to wait for her till she changed her mind to accept him, cuz he believed with his heart and soul, that she was his...He proposed to her again...And she had the same reply again...This went on, and on, and on...Time passed by, and it was almost two and a half years...In this duration, he repeated his proposal everyday, without fail...He truly believed in his love and knew it will make things fine one day...And, it did happen...One fine day, he got the answer he was waiting for all those years...She was ready to be with him for the rest of her life...

Today, they are married...Few days back, they had completed six months of their happily married life too...Well, they are having a beautiful time, coloured with love of true partners, understanding of true friends, faith of true matured individuals and companionship of two travellers moving ahead towards the same destination...Neither of them has speculated what's in store, but they know, whatever it is, they will walk together, always, hand in hand, and this will make their journey one they would always love to carry on, and on...Well, now, that is what I call a perfect story...

We finished our coffee, so did my friend his story...But, that didn't end the glitters in his eyes...The glitters that the thought of his lovely wife had brought to his eyes...Neither did end my pleasant amusement...Me being someone who lives for love, get transported to a land of fairytales every time a love story finds its way to my heart...And, this one, being a true and happy story, found all the more reasons to make me get the little drops of tears that appear in my eyes everytime I'm happy...I was touched by the purity and innocence of it, was driven by the insanity and craziness of my friend, and most importantly was happy with the successful and happy continuation of it...Who says, love is painful...It's not...'Cuz, it brings out the best in you...It gives you reasons to be strong...It makes you go through thrills...And most importantly, it gives you someone, who would walk with you by your side...All along...All your life...

I'm happy for my friend, who knew how to love truly...I'm happy for his lovely wife, who made him complete...I'm happy for their union, which gave their love story a happy ending, or should I say an all new happy beginning...And, I know, this will last for a lifetime...'Cuz, it's based on the most pure feelings on earth...That is LOVE...

Wish, all the love stories in the world get to the heights, they ideally should...And wish, love brings all the positivity and energy to one's life...And, most importantly, let's do our bit, to let love find its way to our lives and shower us with all the goodness of it...'Cuz love can make you someone who you thought you can never be...

Cheers to love...

THAT'S HOW WE PARTED...

'You didn't have to come'...He said, looking away...It's more than half an hour we were together that evening, and he hadn't looked into my eyes, not even once...And it had left me clueless, whether it was really that he didn't want to, or he just couldn't...Regardless of the reason, I knew exactly what was going to happen, at the end of that evening and that had made me get few painful pangs in my stomach...I wished, I could make that moment stop, and not let the evening come...I just wished…

As I ran my fingers aimlessly over the coffee menu, I asked, 'So'...My eyes met his, briefly, and the next moment he looked away, again...'You say', all he said...Yes, I had to say…Yes, I had to ask…I wanted to ask him, why did he send me the text which he had the previous evening...I wanted to ask him, what had made him take such a decision...I wanted to ask him, didn't he think about me, even once, before he had made up his mind...I wanted to ask him, how, once sweet, innocent and always soft spoken ‘Baby’ of mine could be so brave to say what he had, in that text…But, no word came out of my mind...i kept numb…I sighed...I looked away too, to hide my tears, which had refused to listen to me anymore...And I went back to the previous evening, when I had to witness one of the most difficult moment of my life, followed by one of the most painful evenings of my life...

It was the last day of my internship...Summer had really taken a cruel peak that year, and with an internship that made me have more than 5 meetings back-to-back, everyday, I was almost in the verge of getting insane...Thankfully, everything had a point where it ended, and the internship was coming to an end that day...And I was happy, I had enough reasons to be happy...One, a very important one, being I was going to meet him...It was more than a quarter of the year I hadn't met him...Unfortunately, his internship was in a different city and the freaky maddening schedule of assignments of the internship had made both of us give very little time to each other...To make things even crazier, after a maddening fight over all the useless reasons a month back, it was rare that we were able to have a heart-to-heart conversation...Therefore, with all the reasons together, end of the internship was something I had been looking forward to with all my heart... And I was sure; he was waiting for the same too…Although, now I realized his reasons were not the same as I imagines them to be…

That evening, however, things were not stored for me, as I would have liked them to be...As the day was turning to be a beautiful evening, and I was at the zenith of my happiness, I had a text message on my phone...It was from him...It was a short message, but one of its kind...One of those kind, that had the power to devastate my life...One of those kind, that had the power to turn my life into a living hell...And one of those kind, that had the power to turn me lifeless...And, truly it did...The 2 liner read, 'I think we should go our own ways...We're not meant to be together'...The rest of the evening was something I would never like to remember in any point of my life...For few hours, I was not able to realize, what had happened...And when I did, I knew my whole world was crashing down...

After a sleepless night that followed the evening, I had got into the first bus I could know would reach the small town I intended to go...And now I was there, in front of him...Sitting in the same coffee shop, where we had sat six months before too...But things were not same this evening, as they were six months back…Then we were happy, and now we were not...Then, I was myself, enjoying with the guy I love, my hands in his...And today, we were sitting far across from each other, and our hearts even further...We were not into each other anymore...My soul inside was screaming helplessly…In that scream, my voice had lost its existence, and I had ended up sitting numb and quite...

'Ma'am, your coffee', the uniformed waiter at the coffee shop brought the coffee he ordered for me...He knew everything about me, including the coffee I would like to have...But today, that hadn't made me happy, my inside was crying, screaming and cursing him, 'cuz, it knew, any of what he was doing for me today, was not more than just a gentle gesture and that he didn't care for me anymore...My inside was soaked in some stupid arrogance which kept telling me that I should yell at the silent guy in front of me, cuz despite of knowing how much he was wanted in my life, he had decided to move away from me...My inside was dipped in endless tears, which kept reminding me that the guy sitting in front of me was not mine anymore...And, every time I started looking at those eyes of him, my own eyes betrayed me...'Cuz, unlike always, I couldn’t see the love and care they reflected for me..'.Cuz unlike always, they didn't speak to me...And unlike always they didn't seem familiar to me...

It was more than a couple of hours, we sat that way...and more than a couple of coffees, we ordered, just to leave untouched...Words were rare, feelings were dry, tears were more...Neither of us knew, what to say, how to behave, how to react...All we were doing was stealing few looks at each other...Time was passing by...I knew I had very less time with him, and I didn't want it...I wished I could make the clock stop running...I wished I could make the last sunrays of the day stop...I wished I could just get into his arms and forget the world...I wished I could just realize that all that was happening around me was just in my imagination and in real I was with him, holding his hands...I wished he would just call me his Princess and make me feel the luckiest girl around...But I knew, none of it was going to happen...I knew, that, once we were out of this place, we would never meet each other again...I knew, no matter what, we were already miles away from each other...I knew, the 'WE' that always existed, was already a history...

'I will leave then'...I said as I walked to the bus station where my return bus was waiting...He handed me my bag...It was dark everywhere, the lights away had made the place a magical one...The bus had started getting occupied...As he handed my ticket, he arranged my disobedient hair on my face...I was shivering...The touch of his hand, which was so familiar to me was still the same...And it made me get chills through my veins...My eyes dampened...He could know that...He wiped them off...For the first time in that evening he took me in his arms...He kissed my eyes...I didn't resist...Neither my tears, nor my increasing sob, nor him...

I let myself sob, and sob, and sob...Right in his arms...'Cuz I knew, that was the last time I was crying like that, I knew, that was the end of it all, I knew that was the moment when we were closing the most beautiful chapter of my life...I didn't know, for how long I was in his arms, crying my heart out...But when I did, it was time, I got into the bus...To start a journey, all alone...It was also the time, I got into the paths of life..To start a ride, all alone, where I didn't have him...'Cuz it was the time, we have chosen to go our different ways...

Yes, it was the time, we had departed, from each other, from being one...Yes, it was how we parted...Our ways, towards two separate ones…Parallel…And never to meet again… Anywhere…

THINKING ABOUT YOU...THANKING YOU

Well, it's drizzling since morning...One of the last few rains of the season....The silvery droplets with the pale rays of the moon have created some kind of magic, and with my music on my ears I'm completely transfered into a different world altogether...Inside my cozy blanket, I'm in my 'The Happiest' state...And, yes, as usual I'm thinking about 'You'...The way I always do, when I'm highly happy or highly sad...I'm thinking about all those happy moments we shared which are still something that I treasure...The moments which have major share in crafting the 'Me' of today...And those moments, which, if I decide to forget, I'll really be at a loss of few very beautiful and wonderful moments of my life...

Yes, I'm thinking about those small happinesses I shared with you...Those walks on the deserted roads, those repeating cups of coffee in the coffee shops, those late night talks till the wee hours of the morning...Yes, I remember all of it, and guess what, those make me smile 'cuz, those silly things were something that made me happy in those days, and still do...Those insane things made me see the true colours of life...Made me fall in love with the small things in life...Made me take life in an easier way than I always used to...And, today that is what I love life for...For the small happinesses it offers, for the little drops of joy it brings, for the million moments of reasonless ecstacy...

Yes, I'm also thinking about those moments when we behaved crazzy...Those maddening late night fights, only to make up early in the morning...Those all night long phone calls post an evening fight, only to just hold the phone against ears, without uttering a word at all during the whole time...Those one word make ups, post a one week break up...Yes, I remember all of it...And guess what, those too, make me smile 'cuz, those crazzy things were something that made me happy those days, and still do...Those mad things were something that made me realize what it's to be in love...Made me realize the fun of acting and being crazzy...Made me see the value of attachment...And today, I'm much better in handling any of its kind than those times, today, I would not take a maddening step to hurt anybody like before...And today, I would definitely not make anybody suffer cuz of me...

Yes, I'm also thinking about you not being in my life anymore...Well, unlike the other things, this one doesn't make me very happy, nor does make me smile with my heart out...But, it doesn't make me sad either, cuz I realize, somewhere you must be having the kind of life you need, and you want...And that does make me smile...As does the thought of those sweet moments of your presence in my life...Those soft hugs before each of my college exams, those soft kisses on my eyes before parting away each day, and those whispering words in my ears every evening...I often miss each of those...Well, I'm fine without those, just that with those I would have been better...

Well, by now, I'm sure of one thing, that I'm missing you...But I'm happy to miss you...Many a times it's better to realize and understand things, when it's all over...That makes it more glorious and worthy...And I'm happy that you are one of such feelings in my life...'Cuz, as I know myself, it takes a lot of effort from myself to really value something as it deserves, and I'm sure with me, you had felt the same too...And, I'm happy that today I value you more than I always did, one 'cuz you do deserve it (at least from me, for all you did for me)...and second you made me a better me, both with your presence, and of course with your absence...

Well, I guess, I'm sleepy...My eyelids are heavy, and any moment I'll fall asleep...So, here I stop, and get back to my world of music and dream...But, before that, one last thing, only for you...Thank you...For everything you did, for eveyrthing you meant, for everything, good and bad...Noone around me would ever know, and understand, why, what, and how...But you did make me a better me...You really did...

WITH YOU, WITHOUT YOU....TO ALL MY FRIENDS...

‘Freeeakkkk’ was the word that came to my mind, as I could see the train moving from the bridge….Yes, I just missed it….Two minutes and I could have reached the same to see my friends off….But no, crazy and lazy me could not make it, very much like any other time, with any other friends…..My phone rings, and as I pick up and start saying sorry, my friend says that it is all cool….Of course, anybody who knows me would try and consoling me, even if it is my fault, and this friend of mine too did the same…I get hyper with myself and buy a large cold drink to calm myself down…As I sip on it, and come out of the deserted platform, I just feel a pang in my stomach…Because suddenly I realize how difficult it would have been to live my life, had these people been not in my life….

Yes, these people, MY FRIENDS, who, over the time have become a part of my life…who, over the time have become my family…and who, over the time have saved me from going insane every time a trouble crops up in my life….Yes, these people have been standing with me, beside me, by me, every time I need them…Yes, these people have been crying with me, laughing with me, and also fighting with me, whenever a reason arises….And, along with each of these, these are the people who have been making me fall in love with life, over and over again….In short, these are the people for whom, I can afford to see and face life in any way it decides to appear…..

Very often, I say a thing to everybody (only those who holds a place in my heart) that I might not be the best of person they have met in their life, but their presence surely makes me the luckiest one…And when I say this, I mean it…There is not the slightest doubt about this (I like to consider it as a fact) in my life…I might fall into ant trouble, but that doesn’t make me scared, because I see my friends standing next to me to save me from it….I might never see a place before in my life, but I don’t get scared to land up in it, because I know somehow my friend will land up there too…But, most importantly, I don’t get scared to be myself most of the time, because I know, my friend are there to understand me, even if the larger portion of the crowd do not….And, that is how, you, my friends make me ME….And, I take pride to have you guys around me…

Good and bad, experiences of both kinds happen in life, in general…And my life is no exception…But, you guys turn my bad experience to some exciting ones too…And that is how they do not remain bad anymore… You share my happiness and make it multiplied….You share my pain and make it nonexistent….You wipe my tears and broaden my smile…You appreciate my compliments and ignore my shoutings…You remember my sweetness and forget my anger….And most importantly you let me know that I’m cared….loved…and wanted as an important part of your life…That’s make me feel so special…

It’s all about you guys…About those moments, that I wish I could paint in a canvas and keep them alive all my life…It’s about those insane jokes in coffee shops…those maddening laughs over phone, those crazy acts in airports….those irritating complaints in restaurants, those unnerving arguments over choosing a place for vacation, those long lectures over each others’ broken affairs….Those moments, of saying sorry over the home delivered pizza (with an idiotic ‘sorry’ on it), of buying me a daily planner and gifting it in the middle of air (with all my reminders written), of letting me two seats to sit (so that nobody else can sit beside me)…and on and on….Can I ever complete listing everything out…Without a doubt, CAN’T….

Yes, it is all about you, my friends, who give a new meaning to my life…Who, despite of knowing me as one of the most insane living being alive, treat me just like a precious gift…And that makes me feel that no matter what, I can look beyond…Because, somehow you guys make me stronger in life…
As I walk out of the platform, a sense of pride engulfs me….That is because, despite of what many others say and object, in life I’ve done few exceptionally brilliant jobs…One of those is making few friends whom I can say my own without a second thought….Having you guys around is one of the most mesmerizing and amazing feeling I can ever imagine of…..

Well, I should just stop now…But, as always with one sincere request to all of you, my friends…Please be there for me always…With you, I see no fear, I see no sorrow and with you I see no tough time…With you, I see all the happiness around, I see all the security around and all the love around…But what makes me feel so proud of you always is the fact that, with you I’m always ME….Thanks for being there…Love you all with my every breathe, and wish someday I make you guys proud too, for having me in your life…

Happy Friendship Day……

IT POURS INSIDE ME......

Well….it has been pouring outside….continuously…or occasionally….or in bits and pieces…But it’s pouring…..An off day, all the time in the world all to myself, a steaming coffee in hand, a book to give me my desired company and some amazing music on my ipod…Yes, the perfect afternoon to make me feel, yes, it’s life…As I sip my coffee, I take a break from the book in my hand, and look out through the window…And, that is when I realize, it is exactly the same how it was that very afternoon….

Yes, that afternoon, when I realized that I was in love…That moment, when I fell for him…That moment, when I saw the world that I always dreamt off in his eyes…And that is how, I knew, he was the one I had been waiting for all my life…

Yeah, it was a day like today, it was pouring continuously that day too…The rain washed world around looked fresh, bright and clear like never before..The fresh breeze was just playing carelessly with everyone’s hair around…Yes, that’s how it was everywhere….I was sitting by the window in my flat, where I was staying as a paying guest…A steaming cup of coffee in hand, some soul stirring music on FM and a book in hand, which was the perfect company of all time for me… I had all the time in the world to myself, and that was how I always wanted my afternoons to be…A completely private and indulging one…I had every reason to be happy and should have wanted nothing more at that moment…

But, it was a little different that evening…As I sipped on to my coffee in that magical atmosphere, and tried concentrating in the enticing storyline of the book in hand, I realized I was missing something…Although I had no way to know what it was, it was driving me insane…. Every passing moment, I realized I was being ignorant about something which was highly important for me and the irony was that I didn’t even know what…

That was when I put the book down, and decided to have a walk in the terrace next to my room….As I stepped outside, the crystal drops of yet continuing rain welcomed me, so as did the fragrant breeze…My short hair got messed up and the rain drops gently washed my face…The flowers on the tubs were in their bestest look and the green bushes on the waist high wall couldn’t have looked greener and fresher… Mesmerized was the word that came to my mind, when I searched for one to describe my feeling…I kept walking…As I reached the edges, I looked out…And then, yes, exactly then, it happened….I realized what I was missing and it made me realize why despite of the most perfect afternoon, I was not enjoying the beauty of it, and also realized what I had been looking for all those while when I just ignored to even try knowing the same…

Yes, he was there…In that rainy afternoon, I saw his face…I saw his innocent face, his soft smile and those eyes which spoke silently yet with a deeper meaning than I could ever think of…And amazingly enough, he was waiting there for me, without troubling me, without asking me to come outside of my cozy place, but just hoping and wishing that I do show up…I didn’t know, since when he had been standing there, but I knew he had been there…Him standing outside my closed door opened a new window of my feelings… I knew instantly, all this while, it was him I had been missing so deeply…It was his presence that I was ignorant to realize as my source of completing happiness…And all this while it was him, who made me not feel the way I felt at that very afternoon…

I ran to him….I was standing face to face with him in the next minute….He was staring at me, and I was at him…I didn’t say a thing, neither did he…Because we knew, what was in each other’s mind…Our eyes met, they did the speaking…..We were in the verge of forgetting the world, cuz, we were unfolding something which we never know would happen…Yes, that was how it felt then, the world just stopped, the only thing that was moving was our hearts…They were beating faster and faster with every passing minute…And I realized, that was the moment I knew I that I had fallen for him… And, hat was the first time I discovered the world to be even more beautiful than it always used to be…

The suddenly stronger breeze leaves my now long hair messed up….And I come back to the present… It is still pouring outside…And so is it pouring inside…Yes, it’s the memories of those times, pouring inside…Inside of me...And, suddenly I realize, something else too has been pouring inside me, since that very moment when I had fallen for him…That is LOVE….That love, which taught me how to live, taught me how to love and most importantly taught me how to dream…Yes, it pours inside me, with every breathe I take…

FATHER'S DAY...IT'S FOR YOU DITA.......

Well….it’s Father’s Day tomorrow….And as always, I donot really get highly overwhelmed with the idea of celebrating itwith my dad….Of course I will wish him, of course I will tell him that I love him…And of course I will tell him that I miss him…But then, I will not do something exclusive to make him extraordinary today, and make him feel him special on this so called SPECIAL day…..

Well, by now, I’m sounding like somebody, who doesn’t really care about her family, and specially her dad…. I sound rude, harsh, emotionless and top of that foolish, not to celebrate this SPECIAL DAY with her dad…But then I have my own reasons…

How can I just dedicate only one day of my life to my Dad in the entire year, when the reality is that the entire life of mine is given by him…How can I just make him special only for a day, when my one and only goal in life is to make him special for all his life…How can I just say that I miss him, when I actually die to be with him….How can I just dare to say that I love him, when he is the only person who taught me what it is to love and care without asking anything back….

Well, yes….my dad, my Dita….it’s all about you..It’s all about you that makes me who I am…It’s you, for whom I can dare to be the careless Princess, without bothering to know the the ugly world…It’s you, for whom I can dare to dream big, without bothering about the hard road it stores….It’s you, for whom I can do away with getting trapped in any problem life stores, without getting hurt… And most importantly, it’s you, for whom, I can overcome any hard time, bcuz you make me feel I’m much, much stronger than any of those harsh blows life can decide to store for me….

Yes, people come and go in my life….they have their own influence in my life, some make me feel I’m worth more than I seem to be (they are the ones who make me also feel that I’m blessed), some make me feel I’m good for nothing (not that I care much) and some just stay there being nothing but mere strangers for me (well, I donot even know why do they come to my life)…But, it’s you Dita, who always stands by my side without even making me feel that you’re there…Ans it’s when a blow lands on my head and I lose balance, do I know that you hold me, restraining from falling down…And that’s when I know you were always there witnessing my each and every move, letting me experience everything on my own, yet keeping a sharp eye on me, lest I fall down…And, when I do start falling down, you come over, saving me from witnnessing the minutest scratch…

You do everything that makes me feel like a Princess…You choose the best of the best for me…..You consider me to be the best daughter anybody can ever get (well, I love to think the same, although I let you down many a times)….You truly believe I deserve the best in the world….And, when I shed tears, you intend to destroy the very reason that makes me shed thoses tears…You make me stay miles away from the badness of this world and make me feel that it is a fairytale plot….You donot make me realize that there are thousand things in life that I lack, and for which I’m not worthy at all…..You just make me believe that I’m worthy of the best in life and I am just so perfect….

And, all these while, when I have been staying away from you, I realize these even more…I miss every bit of your presence in my life…everyday, every moment…I miss those times, when you used to make me sit beside you and tell things about the beautiful world…I miss those evenings when you used to listen to my endless ramblings and never telling that you hardly understood what I tried saying (well, I just loved ramblings things without any motive)…I miss those mornings, when you used to be late to work, yet used to stand by my side to let me be done with my lazy breakfast…..I miss those times, when I used to get into all crazy naughtiness (including singing that scared everybody away) and you used to convince mom that she should let me carry on (‘Let her sing na’..you used to say..’who knows that makes her happy’)…I miss those times when a single word from you used to take away all my tensions and worries in life (which still does)…Most importantly I miss the feeling of safety and protection that you usd to ensure when you used to put your arms around me…I so miss every bit of it…

Yes….you are missed every moment of my life Dita…You are the one person in my life whom I dedicate my life to…I know, I don’t do things which are upto best of your expectation…But, you can trust me o one thing, whatever I do, I never want you to suffer from its consequences…I never really want to let you down to the extent of losing your faith in me…I might not be the perfect daughter if you measure me in the general average standards…but, I know that’s hardly going to effect your love and care for me…..And that makes me feel so proud of myself….’Cuz I have the luxury of having the best dad in the world….

So, can you see Dita, why I donot get highly excited about this special day…Cuz,with you around every single day of life is special and for you I cannot just afford to dedicate ONLY ONE day…You are missed every moment, you are loved with every breathe and you are needed in every step of my life Dita…So, you are celebrated every day in my life…Your presence is celebrated every moment in my life…And, I proudly feel blessed everytime I realize I have you (and that happens every second)…..

So, this one goes for you Dita....A simple yet heartfelt confession (which i always try protecting within myself)...I wish, someday bring you every bit of wonders down to your feet...I know, you will never want me to prove my love for you, but i wish, one ay you reall feel proud to be my Dita....

Love you Dita…..

ONE YEAR IN ADVERTISING...ONE YEAR AT OUR IBD.....

‘Change your deadline, studio is packed’….That’s the reply I get as submit a requisition form….And if I try saying that, I have a deadline, really urgent, comes a readymade reply ‘Then you should have put the requisition in earlier, I know you guys, don’t act cunning (‘chalu’, in his language) with me’….And at that time, I will have no way to tell him that I got the final approval on the layout just 15 minutes back, and that too after a series of non-stop follow ups with the client (well, can’t blame them too, they too have a protocol to approve a layout)…..

Well, that is how, every weekday of mine starts, for last one year…And, if anybody dares to think that this is the only tantrum I face at my work place, you are highly mistaken dude…This is not even .001 % of the actual pain that you suffer in an ad agency….And yeah, one who said that you should keep your personal and professional life far apart from each other, he has probably never known about how it is to work in a place like an ad agency, where it is very very very difficult to realize the hairline difference between the two…

As I started this career, I was at the top of my excitement, about working in a place where every single sqmm of space talks about creativity…The steaming coffee spreads aroma of creativity, the air conditioner produces chilled air of creativity, the walls speak out loud about creativity and even the roof reminds you about the fact that you are under a sky of creative clouds.…And, with these you are sure to fly in the sky of creative world, and you start believing that you are ‘something different’….

Well, the moment you step inside 'the ad agency’, your perception changes…Reasons??? The numerous minor and major struggles that you face while proving your ‘creative’ point to a league of people, who also possess the same mindset (in terms of perceiving creativity at its most effective manner), and by the way, they deserve to do so cuz, they have really dedicated their blood and sweat to the field, and to be honest they are really not less that heroes.… And, suddenly you get to know a fact, an advertisement that gets published (and that looks highly glamorous), is a result of pure hardwork of a team of highly dedicated (who donot bother about leaving work at late night, or should I say, early morning to come back at the exact office time next, or rather that very morning, AGAIN) and responsible people…

Well, that is about working in ad agency, a short summary of perception and reality (not that I have to say exactly the same)…And that was what I was told, as I started my career too…What more, looking at the ‘petite and cry baby looks’ of mine, even I was convinced with everybody else that I will have to stop continuing in a very short time….(Here, I have my points, like witnessing those nerve breaking fights between and within teams, and...well….lets not speak beyond)

But then….It’s a year….I amaze myself, how I survived....But actually I did complete a year…In an ad agency and that too in Client Servicing…And as I praise myself at my surprising achievement of completing a year, I would prefer to put it as ‘at IBD’, rather than anywhere else, cuz, I’m highly sure of one thing, I could not have done it if it was not IBD….

Well, like every newcomer, it was not easy…In fact, considering the fact that, I lose myself at the minutest abuse, my tears start flowing at the smallest mishap and my patience goes for a toss at every small occasion (including with myself), it was in fact beyond bravery that I decided to stick to ‘advertising’...Running from desk to desk to collect job status, to taking out papers to print my own sheets, well, that is bit too much I expected from myself…But then, I’m happy that I did all that…At least, today I feel proud of choosing to be here..Today, when I look at myself and realize, I’ve turned into a much stronger person that I would have otherwise been, I just have to say one thing...It’s all because of the place I work at this place…at IBD…

Everybody has their own reasons of working, career, money, satisfaction…And for me, I would say, it is an emotional bonding with this place that I can never get over…Every time, I decided to cry, there was an arm around saying that, I’m much more than just a ‘cry baby’…Every time I was down, there was some or the other person saying that, things are worse in other place than ours, so it’s not justified if I broke down at just this..Well, those might seem mere words, but those encouraged me enough to carry on…And, today, as I realize, I can really do much more than what I’m doing, I completely agree with one thing, this is all because of you guys..

Well, it might seem as over pour of emotions to talk about my workplace this way, but as I say, in a place like IBD, it is justified (especially when it’s me, for whom that really matters), cuz we spend more time here than at our respective places…As against everybody saying, it is highly impossible to stay unaffected in your personal life, if you not right at your workplace..And, so this note goes as a ‘Thank you’ to all you guys at IBD…

To name a few, Priya, for encouraging always (and reading my FB status and saying that I should put my emotions in writing briefs), Mandy for the last minute layouts that save us (and if you remember, you have saved me many and many a times, also for patiently listening to me even when i come up with strange deadlines), Swapi for the layouts that always end up fetching a highly appreciative mail in our inbox (by the way, you are one creative guy, who briefed Servicing, well you know what I mean), Abhi,for consoling me all the time, when I sat outside and cried like a kid (but not for calling me Nepali), Ritesh, for saying you will not give us layouts exaclty when we demand for and then saving us at the last minutes (not for the beers we owe you)..Sami, for being a sweet friend always and helping with the layouts even when you are in a hurry to go shopping…Manish, for the nice and always appreciated copy (not for the headlines that you ordered us to frame)…Amish, for the brief formats and of course the copy…Prashant, for working till late (almost alway) and completing ‘our’ work (not for the always open 7-8 chat windows and the pretence that you dont hear me, when i come up with sudden briefs)…Shivani, for coming to help me on Saturdays (and for the Chutkule book, though I cant get the jokes, cuz nobody to decode)..Anil, Hildeg and Purvi, for crdeiting my salary (although, that is not a very happy amount and it is time you increased it)...The studio (including Rameshji) for helping us meet all the deadlines…

And, and...and....most importantly Hina, for being the one who always stands by me…and for the motivation that I need to carry on in this place...I won’t say much, but you know if it was not for you, I could never have survived in this place…Just want to say one more thing, you are a rock star, I think you have saved me more times than anybody else have ever done in my life (by the way, everybody knows it, you remember someone saying, that ‘Maata Kali’ wala phrase)..But, on a serious note, you really inspire me to do good always…And it is a fact…

Hmmm, it is enough…I think I should stop now, or else you guys will think I’m hitting on each of you…But, last thing..I’m happy and proud to have you guys as my colleagues…Cuz, end of the day, you guys make my life so much easy and enjoyable…And, for that I just love you all…

IT'S FOR YOU MOM.....LOVE YOU....

Since my memory could reach, I remember never being called as Mama’s darling, but always Dad’s Lil Princess….And Mom never seemed to mind it at all…Every morning, when we used to get ready for our own work, I always used to be by Dad’s side to help him get ready, rather than asking Mom if she needs anything at all….Don’t remember entering the kitchen to even ask Mom if she needed a hand….And every time there is an arguments between Mom and Dad, I was always by my Dad’s side (even if he was wrong), and Mom used to be the one man (or rather one woman) army…But then, as usual Mom never seemed to mind it (or was it just my illusion)….

Days passed by, and I grew up to be strong enough to stay away from Mom and Dad (of course studies and work)….And, then all of a sudden, over one recent conversation, I realized how Mom really felt about those small moments…It so happened that, she called me up one late evening, and asked how my bro (who is in a different city, by the way and I know about him not more than my Mom does) is..As usual it pissed me off, as I always believed that she cares for my bro, much more than she does for me…So, I didn’t stop myself from showing my arrogance and told her that I’m sad cuz she doesn’t care about me….She didn’t say much, said that she would call him up herself and would find out how he was….
By night, the incident was forgotten and me, as usual slept just after reaching back from work….Late night, my phone rang like insane and somehow I woke up from my even insane sleep…It was my Mom…As I picked up the call, she told me that she was not getting sleep and wanted to talk to me…I felt bad for my Mom (who works whole day and supposed to be sleeping deep by this hour of night) and sat down to talk to her….As we spoke, I realized something that gave me pangs in my stomach…The reason why she couldn’t get sleep was me and my idiotic comment earlier that evening….She was in a terrible state as she felt, me really perceive her to be not caring for me…She told me, she might not ask me how I was everyday but she cared for me as much as she cared for my bro….She told me, every time I was into any trouble (the minutest), she always cried thinking how I must be going through….And most importantly, she told me, she knows that I wouldl always be fine, cuz I’m so like her, who faces everything rather than escaping from them and fights things rather than letting them engulf self….As her words left me stunned, she said she would go back to sleep…We hung up..

Those simple words from my Mom at the wee hours of the morning somehow made me go into deep thinking…I tried looking back to all those time when I never cared to look into her eyes how she felt about me…And all I could see now is love and only love…Unconditional pure and sacred love….She never minded when I ignored her, she never minded when I said ‘No I’m not talking to you now’, she never minded when I said ‘Mom, don’t irritate me’, she never minded when the number of calls on her phone from mine is not even 1% of the calls on my dad’s….She always cared for me like I’m her only ‘dream come true’, she always stood by my side when I needed someone to talk to during my growing up days (during which phase I was one of the most irritating kid in the world), and most importantly she always taught me to be me….

I know all Moms are like the sea, who takes up everything, good or bad of their kids and reflects the good aspects like the sea reflects only the clear blue sky, but my Mom is special for me..She is the one, I always look for everywhere (most of the time I don’t even realize it) , she is the one I always want myself to be (and sadly, I never realize that too), and most importantly she is the one I need all my life to speak my heart out….I know, I can’t be even half a percent of her being, but having her in my life is more than I can ever ask for…

I might never say this on face, but Mom, I love you….I wish I could go back to all the time when I didn’t make you feel that I love you more than anyone else, and can reassure you of the same…I wish I could go back to those days, when I was the most impossible kid and can let you know that for you I would be the most manageable one….I wish I could go back to those time, when I could just sleep in your lap and forget about the rest of the world….
Love you Mom….Happy Your Day…

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU............

Everybody talks about love these days....And why not.....Valentine's Month is running and so does the air get fragrant with LOVE..........And everyone, indifferent of their age are humming to the tune of love...Everybody is happy.....Everybody is content....and....Everybody is trying their best to make up for all the time they ignored the small happiness of their partner....And the success of all the effort comes alive, with the heartfelt smile on the lips of the person for whom all the efforts were planned.....


Well….there was a time, when this days meant so much for me….Only reason being I took the pleasure of making some stupid, idiotic but honest attempts to make my LOVE happy….Well, the truth is I might have really not known the real meaning of what that particular word meant….But all I could understand that I should do my best to make an effort to make up for all the time I made the other person cry, get angry and curse himself for choosing to be with me….


In making those attempts what I didn’t realize is that love is not about celebrating just a day of happiness and glossy feelings, but is about making small happiness possible each and every day…..What I didn’t realize is that love is all about making the other person feel that he has someone on whom he can trust even during his worst time….What I didn’t realize is love is all about handling things in a way to make them just incidents of life, not accidents….And by the time the realization of these simple facts started blooming in me, perhaps it was too late…..


Today when everybody is celebrating love, and I’m busy analyzing my way of understanding the same, then and now, I find myself at faults for most of the things…..I find myself to be an arrogant little brat, who just made others life impossible and who just knew nothing about doing anything for others…That might not probably be my fault entirely, as I was not even considered given a chance to change myself any day, but the story ends at the point when things go wrong, without a conclusion….And that remains a fact for always….


Today, I’m writing this to let all the people who ever loved me and bore all my arrogance till their last level of limit, that I was wrong in many ways….I was wrong in every way might be…But there is a fact you all should know, and that will always remain so…And that’s that, I still feel for you the way I always did..I still feel you are the best thing that ever could happen to me…… And I’m grateful to all the sources that it happened….


On this day of love, just wish wherever you are, just stay happy….Thanks for all the memories you gave me….Thanks for all the time you shared with me….And thanks for making me feel like a Princess…..And most importantly thanks for making me strong and a fighter for life....Wish, life brings you all the goodness and ushers you with the best in everything....Wish love finds you the best way possible, and most importantly stay beloved always.....


Happy Valentine's Day to you all..................


P.S. This is my last V Day note this season......Wish love find you all the lovely people there.....and stays with you for life long........