Well… Realization has once again been taking its stroll in my senses, or rather in my life…And as it does, I see myself being lost in a space I don’t seem to connect with, and can’t figure out if at all I’m familiar with it… And of course, I’m not… The way I always seem to live my life, this phase comes as a veiled illusion and I seem to find no way to recognize the shadowed images underneath…
Yeah, personally, this is what I’m going through these days… And, if I decide to conclude that it’s only me in this space, I would be unmistakably and unforgivingly wrong… ‘Cuz, as I come across people around me, this is a common phenomenon in everyone’s life… And, if you happen to be someone as young as of 25 years of age, life is ready to shoot at you with few extra fierce bullets…
And yeah, most certainly I fail to understand these zillion difficulties people around me are facing… Cuz I realize factors that have made them suffer are nothing to do with their personal ignorance or personal inabilities… Rather these difficulties come from biased perceptions of what’s right and what’s wrong… And, at some point these depress me… In a world, where we’re talking everyday of creating an unbiased society, in the same world, our own thoughts are based on personal bias, and there are million people suffering ‘cuz of it… I know, I sound like a social activist right at this point, but I have no intention of being one… But, things that take my peace of mind away seem to fall in this category, in simple words true social malfunction…
And where are my thoughts coming from???....Well, recently I happened to meet a dozen of my friends… Well, not all together, and not under the same roof, in fact none of them is familiar to none other, but, each of them is my friend… And, as we had our individual conversations, I realized, life has decided to hit really hard on them… Each of them has their share of problems that nobody else would be able to understand, and the worst part nobody else would care to understand… Well, honestly, no one can be blamed for not understanding other’s problem, as every single one on this planet has their own set to deal with… And, so ultimately everyone has but no choice to struggle though a million emotional break downs while dealing with these problems…
Life is always been said to bring bags of undefined situations, unexpected twists, unexplainable circumstances and most importantly uncertain and sudden events… In the roller coaster ride of life, a million hurdles of uncertainty create its unavoidable affect, not to make the ride exciting always, at times even to break one down to pieces that can’t be gathered again… And, hence, life, being ‘only once’ entity, goes if not wasted, non-effective in a larger picture… Cuz, these lives, who fail to fight back the horror and terror of breaking down, can’t really be expected to add anything to the bigger world out there…
Well, coming back to those fragmented stories, that had made me type these relentless thoughts of mine, I’m yet to find out the actual reasons behind them… In the gang of friends that I met, if someone is fighting tough to win the battle of life in order to make a mark for himself, someone is finding it difficult to fight back those tears that have come from having to cut into two halves, one being her ignorant parents and the other half being the person she loves… If someone is ignorant of growing up and face the world by being able to take criticism personally and professionally, someone is taking time longer than estimated to come back to life after a heartbreak… If someone is failing in all his trials of standing up to the expectations of his parents, someone is finding it a question of life and death how to give some happiness to his family… Yeah, everybody is going through, in his/her own words, what can be called as an ocean of disheartening attacks… Everybody is suffering while trying to accomplish the dreams they had seen, into reality… Everybody is wiping silent tears of unfulfilled desires… Everybody is travelling on roads unknown to their conscious senses… In a way, like some musician said, ‘Everybody is broken’… Broken into pieces, cuz of the never-ending, un-nerving blows of what we call as life…
Life, in its simplest form tells us to live… But, doesn’t say how… And, that’s where we lose ourselves… Yeah, we do find ways to live life… And, some of them stand to be the right ways, and some other wrong… But, if we try figuring out the water running deeper, we realize, right and wrong are two such relative concepts… Things that stand the rightest right in my dictionary fail to convince others as the same, and so are categorized to the extreme wrong… But, if I look at the rights which others perceive to be, I find grouping those as sheer wrong… Reasons?? Cuz, others ‘right’s fail to make me happy, and so I rebel… Rebel to make others understand that what I believe in is the right for me, cuz, I know where my happiness lies… And, no matter what, only this will justify my existence… My existence of being me by doing what I want to do… But alas, my opinion and my views are the last on the list of considerations that are made to let me live my own life… Yes, a million other factors tend to be appreciated more than my own will and wishes… And, at times, the ‘me’ surrenders to those factors… Well, maybe cuz I get exhausted fighting with those whom I really love and respect, or maybe cuz at that point, my realization tells me that it’s no point fighting for myself, or maybe I see a failed me in those attempts… Yeah, ultimately I surrender… Surrender to the million reasons my own people raise in front of me… Surrender to their happiness… Surrender to the failure of my own conscience… Yeah, that’s how I let myself take the path which others have defined for me as ‘right’, than what my conscious sense says as ‘right’ for me to exist…
I know, my thoughts are bizarre, and will at any point in time fail to convince those whom we look up to… I know my thoughts find no concrete way to be expressed in the right form… I know my thoughts seem to be sheer foolish efforts to prove the elder generation (who decide what’s right for me) some unnamed villains… But, honestly this is not what my intensions see and plan… Cuz, even I realize, and even I understand, my elders are the ones who have seen and experienced life in a better and larger way than I have, and hence have more knowhow of good and bad, right and wrong… All what I intend to do is to make a small yet hearty and grave request of giving me some space to breathe… Of letting me experience my life in my own way… Of letting me try to find out my own preferences, my own choices… Of letting me see the world from my own eyes, from my own view… Of letting me make my own efforts to survive the battles… And most importantly of letting me live, not just survive…
Well, as and when I see around and realize that rarely anybody is leading a life on his/her own terms and conditions (many say they do, but at some point they end up adjusting to some or the other situational excuses), I also realize, probably that is how things would always going to be… No matter what we say, no matter however much we want to ignore others and live selfishly, no matter how crazily we plan to follow only our own hearts, at the end, we tend to be what our loved ones expect us to be… We like to deny it, but ultimately we human beings are so conscious of others, especially the ones we care for… And, neutrally speaking, and in a way, that’s not bad at all… Cuz, this is what refrains us from bringing the world crashing down…
Yes, yes, I sound totally self-contradictory, my thoughts are contrasting to one another, and in a word I come across to be highly confused… And yes, that’s what I am right now… I’m being a lost soul, trying to decide what is that thing that gives me happiness without hurting the ones I love, and ones who love me… But I don’t seem to find a way to get the minutest clue… And, the more I try figuring things out, the more I get entangled in the web of my own thoughts… And, in this array of overflowing bizarre thoughts, I finish a day of my life… The sun sets, moonlight brightens the sky, and my exhausted body falls in the lap of sleep… And along with that my lost soul realizes, that, tomorrow it has to experience yet another day, which would end up too, like today, without finding an actual solution to find some peaceful moments for it…
P.S: 'I' doesn't really mean it's me... This is on behalf of those million 'I's, getting trapped in the dilema of choosing from between 'right for me' and 'percieved right'...
