CONFESSION OF A DAUGHTER.......MISS U DAD..........

This is exclusively for you Dad....oh no....’ My Dita’....At this hour of night I’m missing you....The loneliness surrounding me is making me miss those moments when you used to tell me stories to make me sleep....Your hand in my then short hair had always made me feel the world so safe.....I miss you so much....And that is why this is for you.....I might have never told you anything of what I m going to tell you today....Probably cuz I had a feeling that you have already known every bit of it, or might be cuz, I always wanted to keep those away from you....But I want you to know that you are the one person in my life whom I love without a condition.....And you are the one person who have always been 'my life' all through....
You know something Dita....you are my superhero.....Did I ever tell you about those classroom exercises, where I had to write essays on the topic ‘My Ideal Person’...You know what Dita...I had always ended up writing about you....Cuz you are really the one person in my life whom I find the most perfect one....But I had never shown any of those writings to you, cuz I always feared you might not like those.....cuz I had seen your writings (oh there is a secret, I always used to sneak into your diaries, I’m sorry Dita) and I had seen how fabulous they were.....And that had always made me get close to the world of fiction (and apparently I had ended up creating my own fairy land)....
Dita...I always loved being your Princess....I long for those days when you and me used to throw pranks on mom....I long to go back to those days when you used to protect me from anything and everything....I long to run back to those times when you used to sing for me....I miss those evening talks (I used to look forward for those cuz it could always save me from books, but didn't know those would be something I would die to get back).....Every single moment of those are so fresh in my mind...And they will always be.....And I just wish they never got over.....
You know Dita, every single word of yours act wonders on me....If I’m in thousand problems and I get to talk to you for a minute too (which always happens, cuz you always know when I need you, as you say it is telepathy), I get all the strength and courage in the world back....Everything falls back on track, life gets smoother and easier, exactly the way you have always craved it for me.....Do you know a truth, I can overcome any and every problem in my life, just that your presence (even if in the form of few soothing words) is always a mandatory....
The world seem so easy when you are around....The world seem so lively and amazing when your love is around me....Your words are the best medicine to cure any of my anxiety.....Your presence is so much needed in everything and anything I ever attempt for.....True, without you I will be nothing Dita......
You mght think at times that I have grown up and can take care of my own self....And at times I might act arrogant to prove that I really have grown up and have turned self dependent....But bottom of our hearts, we both know the truth.....You know that I still need you to take care of me, and Me??? I’m still the kid at heart, who used to get scared to go out in dark and always needed your hand to hold mine.....I’m still the arrogant kid, who never used to go to school without 3 kisses from you on my forehead.....I’m still the afraid kid, who used to sleep only if you had sat beside my bed....I have not grown up yet Dita.....Atleast when it comes to your love and care, I’m still the small kid who longed for your lap.....
I miss you so much Dita.....Teardrops stop listening to me when I miss you....But you donot worry...Your Princess also knows that her Dita wants her to be strong.....And you know right Dita...That I will never let you down.....But just want you to know one thing....I miss you....And I feel proud that I’m your daughter.....Love you Dita.......

MEMORIES.....THEIR AFTERGLOW.....N SOME HELPLESSNESS......

Just a while back was listening to a song Afterglow…..every word of it was speaking my mind out….How true it is…..Only in the afterglow of anything and everything we do realize the worth of it….. It is only when we walk down the memory lanes that we realize the good times we experienced….It always happens that the past matters more than the present…..Probably that is why we always want to treasure different moments captured….Probably that is why we always end up building our future on the ground of the past….Cuz once PRESENT turns into PAST we realize how wonderful it was….

People say we should forget the past to start a new beginning….And the very base of it speaks how impactful a past can be….Unless and until one does not forget the past the future seems to be dull and difficult…Why??? Cuz we always end up realizing that the past was so beautiful that to match up with the same the future really need to be extraordinary….And that is how memories influence us to be immersed in them all through….

Memories…..the best of the best when they inspire to look forward for a brighter future….And the worst of the worst if they shadow up the hope of living for the future…..And at this phase of my life it is completely beyond my capability to judge whether my memories are my asset or the biggest barrier on my future dreams…..It is being beyond my control to rescue myself from the shadow of the past memories and every bit of those make me lose myself into a world which I really fail to recognize….At times they make me feel proud to have experienced them…..and at the same time they make me realizes that so much have changed by now and this realization brings some silent tears without my knowledge…..And I end up losing myself in their hands……….

At times I look for a way to escape from the memories….but they are so overpowering that they have covered me up like the blanket of fog a winter morning….like the shadow that never wanna leave us behind…..And it makes me helpless…………I go weak on my knees….And jus wish things never changed…. Nothing pains worse than the realization that things could have turned out the way they were……..And when it happens that one never wanted a change at the first place, the pain doubles…..

Time changes…..situations change…..and also the people around you do…But the essence of their presence never does…..In fact every possible related experience takes us back to those moments which we shared together….A piece of music, a fragment of fragrance…..and touch of a familiar breeze…….all of them keep taking us back to the moments we have lived before….And they do not let us come out of those moments….

As I put these feelings down I realize how much I long to go back to those moments….The moments shared with my near and dear ones…the small unreasoned talks….the small arguments….the aimless walks in the middle of the nights...all of these had spiced up the life to get some unforgettable memories created……Still the fragrance of the coffees are fresh on my nostrils….still the unbearable taste of the half cooked foods are fresh on my tongue….and still the chilled evenings are fresh to feel them….Yet things are not the same anymore….And that is how every bit of those real happenings have turned into only memories….And however my soul screams for those to come back to me, the reality is they are nothing but long gone past……

There is no end to the pain that I have been experiencing cuz of my memories….And also there is no cure to escape from those……And the helplessness makes me suffocate to the core….Just keeping the hope alive that someday…perhaps someday my walks through the memory lanes will come to an end and I would start walking towards my future……..And I wish that happens soon….Cuz I do not want to just live in the afterglow of anything and everything…..and also do not want my memories to haunt me everywhere I go…..And yes…My memories have become haunted shadows after me, blocking every way towards my future…….