Well, from time to time, I do keep scribbling on my Momu and Dita... And, mostly things happen this way that, I happen to prefer Dita when it comes to talk on exciting things... He, being the coolest dad ever one can imagine,
makes me feel that I'm the best daughter alive in the universe and that somehow makes me walk on seventh heaven, and that's how I prefer sharing most of my good-bad-ugly things with him, rather than dragging Momu into those... This is mainly cuz, I always had and still do, a feeling that Momu, being the tough lady I can ever think of meeting all my life, would criticize me and my what-and-why-abouts and probably at times that would hit me on my weak points... And, this feeling of mine has been there, stuck in my head from time unknown, probably since the time I was a kid... If I remember
correctly, during my school days too I had acted a complete rowdy and illogical with my Momu, and on the contrary always acted the sanest and the most innocent kid when it came to be with my Dita... And, that's how my impression on my Momu and Dita was completely different from each other and towards two extremities... While my Momu knew the actual me, Dita always saw the best of me... Nonetheless, I grew up the same way and when I came away from both of them for my studies and then work, things never changed... And, I hardly had a feeling that they
would ever do...
But then, as time has been passing by, and I have been growing up, I realize, I have developed an unavoidable urge to walk on my mom's shoes and be like her... Yes, somehow, I have started to wish to be the combination of so many amazing qualities that my mom is... A combination of unbreakable toughness when it comes to patience, the unshakable focus when it comes to get where she wishes to be, the forever-composed serenity when it comes to handling her kids, the unmistakable passion to make her family the happiest on earth and most importantly the never-ending love for almost everything that's fair and justified...Well, it's so obvious that, even if I keep trying all my life, this birth and also next two, combined, I won't be able to be half as what she already is... The plain reason being, no matter what, I would always lack the maturity, intelligence, passion, drive and most importantly the personality of what it takes to be my Momu... And, most definitely I'm certain that every single lady on earth would agree to this truth that no matter what, they can never be like their moms... And actually, we feel proud about this, and most certainly we should, cuz having the most gorgeous and amazing mom is one of the rarest blisses in life and truly speaking, it's pure luck...
Coming back, yeah, as I have been adding pages to the calender of my life, I realize, I have been growing to build up the passion to be like my Momu... And, I actually amazed myself when I first realized this... Cuz, considering my preference to my dad all these years of my life, I was most obviously supposed to be wanting to be like him... Yeah, it's a fact that I'm filled with more traits similar to my dad than my mom, but when it comes to be like them, I have developed an honest and very very strong wish to be like my mom... Suprisingly for me, that was not what I had ever consciously decided, and so in my senses I never planned that way, never wished that way and most importantly never thought that way... And therefore, first time when I realized the same, I happened to ignore it, thinking that's cuz I had met her and spent some more time than usual with her just prior to getting the streak of that sort...
Yeah, it was my last visit home, when I had actually spent some quality time with my mom... It was last summer, and mom and me had in true sense bonded for the very first time, and soon it had turned into a mature friendship... For the first time in my 25 years old life, she decided that I was mature enough to confide on, and that's how we shared so much over those endless cups of tea (tea being my mom's favourite, and for a change I never complained on getting served tea rather than my trademark coffee!), over those quiet sittings in the kitchen, over those walks on the terrace, and also over those busy rushing arounds... And, to my surprise, I had actually seen a completely diffrerent personailty of my mom from the one I had always known... I realized, behind that tough and never-back-down face of my Momu, there still exists a vulnerable lady, who hides all her fears behind that tough outlook... I realized, like any soul on earth she also has her insecurities, her fear of losing what she has, her fear of facing the worst, her fear of losing out anything priceless on her family and kids, and most importantly her fear of losing the love of anyone whom she loves and cares for... I realized, although she has grown up to be the strong and powerful identity that she is, who can make anyone tremble with the mere strength in her voice, yet she still has the innocence of a kid at heart... Like a kid, she too gets scared of the dark and complex, like a kid she also gets afraid to face the difficult and alien, and like a kid she also wants someone to protect her and put their arms around her when she's down and blue... I also realized, that, it's her will-power and the drive to make it happen, that takes her all along to make everyone's life such smooth and easy, such picture perfect and most importantly such happy and blessed...
As for me, this came as a sheer surprise, and along with that also as an eye opener.... Cuz, as far as I remember till then, I hardly knew of an incident when my mom had lost her cool, and had reacted in a way that couldn't be mended... She had never ever let anything bad come on us, she had never ever let our smiles fade, she had never ever let my dad face anything alone and most importantly she had never shown any weaknesses as far as my memory could reach... But, now she told me that, all those times, whenever any difficulty had taken its stroll on us and our family, she was equally scared like my dad, me and my brother... But then, she would never be impatient, cuz she knew, if she did, the rest of us would even not have the courage to think about solving those mazes... She told me, everytime she saw the slightest trace of tension on my dad's face, she was even more worried than him, but she always managed to hide it, cuz she always realized that if she didn't, dad would have no way to justify his courage to fight those tensions...
I was at a loss of words... My Momu, whom I knew to be almost of non-emotional kind, had so much to pour out... I was amazed when I tried looking back at time... From the very first memory of mine with my mom, I remebered her to be the tough and never-forgiving lady who teaches Assamese literature, and the slightest mistake on grammer from her students drove her crazy... I remembered her to be the one who tried teaching me the same too and other subjects along and which used to be something I could never like... I remembered her to be the strict mother who never used to like me mingling with each and everybody around, and which used to make me question 'why'... I remembered her to be the strong mother who could criticize me when I was wrong, even though I hated it then... And all these memories of mine had made me relook at those once again when I realized that I had always known a complete different facet of my Momu before that particular day...
Well... Things somehow started changing from then on... I could so much relate to my mom after that, so much better than before... I could so realize how it is to be a woman of strong responsibilities, and even stronger urge to carry them on... In a word, I could realize what it is to be someone like my Momu... And probably this realization has also made me realize that even without my own knowledge it was always her, whom I want to see myself to be like, one day... It was always her who I actually aspire to be, personally and also professionally... Such strong was and is her influence on me.... Yeah, probably it was always like that, without even me knowing the same...
And that's how, these days, as I see all these advertisements and write-ups on Mothers' Day celebration, all the emotions regarding one's mom, everything that describes the bonding between mom and her kids, these truly make me realize the priceless relationship one shares with his/her mother... I get emotionally touched, miss my own Momu, mostly go back to those warm and quality time spent with her... And, mostly also start regreting those times, when I had actually not bothered to know her deeper and in a true manner... I regret for not putting any effort to make her realize that I could be her best friend, that I could be the one she could share her real feelings with, that I could be her 3 am friend... I regret for not knowing the priceless gift God had always kept just next to me... But, nonetheless, I know it now...
And, so, this is to let you know my Momu, that probably I'm late in trying to know you better, but I'm trying now... I promise one day I would definitely succeed in being your friend... I promise one day you would feel proud of me, if not for anything else, for the plain reason of making myself stand upto be the one you could put your trust and faith in... I promise, I would most definitely make you feel happy on the fact that I've grown up to be like you... Yeah, Momu, all I wish to be is loke You... Cuz, knowingly or unknowingly you're the inspiration that makes me fight anything difficult coming on my way... Thanks for being there Momu... You would never be able to measure, how each and every word of yours have started being the source of pure inspiration in my life lately...
Love you with all my heart Momu... You're the most gorgeous, the bravest and the most amazing mom I could have ever asked God for...
