But then, everytime I walk on the streets, everytime I smell the freshness, and everytime I try pulling my hair back from the attacking breeze, I get a sudden rush in my heart..A rush of emotions, and a rush os chills through my veins, I get nostalgic, and at the same time, without me wishing for it, realize that I’m suddenly not that happy stepping into the city…I realize, the excitement with which I had started my second innings in the city doesn’t exist anymore..I realize a sudden sadness engulfs me which also makes me not want to explore the city I otherwise love so much…I otherwise die to be in…I otherwise long to be back to…I realize the days ahead that I’ll be in the city, are not going to be that easy for me to handle…
And, then I realize, I know the reason... The reason is you...Unlike the last few years, this time, you are not waiting for me in this place…You’re not waiting to make me endlessly talk about the days that I was away from you…You're not waiting for me to let me rest in your arms…And most importantly, you’re not waiting for me to make me realize how lucky I feel to be with you….Yes, I come back to a place, which is full of memories… memories of you and me...Every corner of which reminds me of you…The chilling breeze across my face, the calmness on the long and black deserted roads, the packed shopping places, the empty parks on both the sides of the unending road, the never ending traffics, the red, blue, orange city buses,…everything reminds me of you…And, the rush in my heart turns into an ache..I realize, my eyes desperately want to be damp, but I try my best not to let them be….
I step into the coffee shop round the corner; just next to the small bus stop…I occupy the same seat next to the glass covered balcony, which we always managed to get… I order a coffee, the same one which we always use to order…As I sip on to my coffee, which tastes exactly the same as it always used to be, I look around…The tubs are still the same with the same green and white leaves…The steel chairs are the same, with the beige seats….Most of the tables are occupied with the same kind of people, students, young executives, old couples…Yes, everything is still the same…Everything…The only thing that is unlike before, is that you are not with me anymore…
I walk by the flower shop where we always used to buy flowers from…As I pass by, the guy recognizes me and asks me how I’ve been doing…I smile at him, and pick up the red roses..The similar roses that you used to buy for me…He asks me, if I want to buy them….I buy two of them, exactly the way you used to buy me, with the leaves on it…They smell exactly the same, fresh and enticing…They have the same red vibrancy and the fragrant freshness…They still makes me close my eyes as I breathe the fragrance in….Yes, everything is exactly the same…Everything.. The only thing that is unlike before, is that you are not with me anymore…
Yes, everywhere I go, I realize, everything around is just the same it had always been...The crowd, the surroundings, the shops, the lanes, the trees, the breeze and most importantly the feeling that had always made me realize, life is just so good...The warmth, the vibes and the simple wish to be laid back, everything still feels the same, the way it was...But, this time, I feel it alone, unlike before, when it was 'We'...And, somehow, experiencing the same feeling this way doesn't make me that happy, the way it had before, 'cuz, somehow, with you everything had a completely different meaning...With you, my happiness came in each bits and pieces of even the most ordinary...With you, I was always in a world of dreams, passion and joy...And, even if I didn't have a way to realize the same that time, today, most certainly I do...And, everytime I stroll on this city roads, my realization strengthens, twice the more...
The sun sets, and the clear sky looks like a studded mattress...And as I look up to the starlit sky from my terrace, I feel the pang at heart, of you not being around...Someday, on a similar terrace like this, we had decided to write our story, yours and mine, on the same page...On a similar evening like this, we had decided to build a world of our own...Under a similar sky like today's we had promised each other, to bring every possible happiness to each other's feet...And, thus we had decided, that the rest of our life would be one that we would experience together...
But, today, none of those stands a meaning...None of those will ever be true, and if I try viewing from a single angle, each of what we dreamt together, seems nothing but sheer waste...But, if I see and analyze in a deeper way, they were not...Because, those were the moments, my future was built on...Those were what made me gather strengths to wait for the unseen future, and those were what made me realize, no matter what, life is about experiencing the beauty and letting the ugliness pass by...And, today, as I lie below the sky that is no less than a dreamy canvas, I realize, you being not a part of my today has its reason...A reason, that I didn't realize that day, when you moved away from me and might have not realized today too, when I'm longing for you...But, my faith says, one day, under the same sky I would know, why my story doesn't have you in it anymore, why your page in my diary got closed and why your shadow doesn't unite with mine anymore...And that day, I would have the smile on my lips, which has refused to appear at this moment; I will have the glitter on my eyes, which has no trace this evening; and most importantly my heart will beat in the way, it is not able to beat tonight...
Yes, with all my heart, I will wait for that moment to come; cuz, I know it's round the corner...And will reach me very very soon...
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