Just had a glance in the mirror...An unknown strangeness hit me back on my face...Getting it difficult to believe it is me...Dark hollow eyes...charmless face.....And continuously flowing tears.....Is that really me....And if yes what has made me be this....For the first time in ages I'm feeling guilty for ruining myself this way....Desperately trying to search for the eyes that had the glitters to brighten up the around...That had dreams to make something big in life....But now the ones that are being reflected on the mirror are surely not the same ones….And the realization of the truth somehow brings me sheer pain…..Some unknown aches crop up and it just tears my heart apart....
People say ups and down are rules of life….But when these happen at the most unrealistic manner faith gets lost….I guess at this point in my life, me too is in the same circumstances…..Where losing faith on things that were supposed to be my strengths….Losing trust on people and getting it difficult to realize the flow of life…In a word losing the track on which I should move on….I know there is no way anyone can help me unless and until I do myself…But the difficult part is things don't really happen the way we want them to be….And it is difficult to accept the reality and that's how people ruin their lives…..
I guess I'm doing the same too….Ruining life for things which are not meant to be mine….People not meant to be for me….And the worst part, I'm not being able to make my weak heart understand this fact…Might be cuz I took things pretty seriously when they were not supposed to be taken that way….Might be cuz I believed in dreams more seriously than I should ideally have…Might be I believed in promises more seriously when they were just made to be broken….But who does realize the consequences or rather who wants to realize the consequences of a flow when it is in full pace…….The effect is analyzed only when the story gets over….Only aftermaths make us realize that it was a nightmare….I'm realizing the same now….When things kept getting out of track I didn’t realize they were so…When things kept going haywire I didn’t know how to stop it…And now when things are at their edges I suddenly realize I should have acted li'l more cautiously…..
All I realize now is that my dreams are broken…..my heart is broken….It might not have sounded much to others' ears but it surely was a great fall…It is broken in way that can't be mended any day….And might be that's what I deserve….Just feel li'l lost cuz I was promised to be helped out everytime I go wrong…I was promised to be held hands everytime my steps shiver…I was promised to be never left alone…But it has happened….And it just leaves a pang in my stomach…Not cuz my dreams got shattered….neither cuz I ended up being alone….Nor cuz I was deceived by my own people….I'm lost cuz a sense of guilt has cropped in my mind….For not being able to do justice for the things which mattered the most for me….For not being able to make my people understand that I cared for them too….Equally….or might be more than they did…..But that couldn’t happen….And now there is no way it can be possible again….
The image in the mirror….desperate in search of finding a way out to come out of a guilt...yes, the image will never be the same again….The innocence, charm, confidence and the joy has gone lost from the face for lifelong…And all it can think of now is to survive somehow…in this world of sufferings…all alone…all by herself….and waiting with a hope…..A hope that, someday somewhere there would be an end to this pain….And most importantly the GUILT…..
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