Well, September ended, and as always I didn't intend to wake up... After so many years of coming the lyrical and musical excellency of Greenday's famous lines into existence, it's more like a cliché so say anything about waking up when September ends... But eventually, everyone does find his or her own reasons to connect something to this cliché of September ending, and yeah, waking up...And for me, certainly does September bring a layering bruise, each year, atleast so for the last 4 years... Well, for reasons strictly to my personal failure in love, and with an impression insanely irresponsible to everyone around; September happens to make me wish I was asleep all month long... Yeah, September truly was a more than a month in my happy days, making me the closest to my love once, which eventually also turned into a month I would like not to experience, for, it made me away too, for ever from him... And that's how, I'm sure, year on year, I would keep gathering these layers until one day I decide to rub all of them off, maybe suddenly out of the blue, or maybe after a certain amount of precautious efforts... Till then, I would, maybe I would, keep weeping along with the lyrics, and keep repeating the, by now cliché, phrase...
Coming back, it was Goa this September end, and it was a carefully planned attempt to get away from the monotone of my so called busy life... And that was why, I hardly had anyone completely familiar along with me while I decided to land in the coastal town of South West India... Unlike other trips of mine, I needed to be on my own, and that's how it was, when I actually realized barring one, I knew noone in the group... Last week of the month, weekend, and also almost done with the monthly chaos, more than enough reasons for a quick getaway... And while we decided to make a budget trip, I was too, although reluctantly, fine doing so, as I needed a different sort of experience... It was li'l insanely for someone like me, who hates troubled travelling, but nonetheless, somehow we managed to land where we intended to, after travelling for almost around 16 hours, not to forget, after changing our vehicles twice...Somehow, the spirit was high, and that's how we appeared to be still energetic... And finally when we landed in the beach town, we realized, well, it was worth the trouble....Yeah... Sea, beach, sand and some amusing vibes, yeah it was actually something that lifts away the chaotic frustration from any mind...
As the experience of the small town started getting into my nerves I realized every bit of those reasons why this tiny li'l town was what it was to the people all across the globe... Everyone seemed extremely busy being in their happiest states, noone bothered what others were upto, and everyone greeted everyone with a smile on his/her face... Somehow the whole ambiance was brilliant, and worth being away from the city... And, suddenly I gathered the feeling that maybe, maybe I would start everything afresh in all areas of my life, once the 4 days long trip saw its end, for, I was sure of getting my mind refreshed up, and also my soul rejuvenated during my stay here... And surely I didn't want to sleep off the last days of September, to wake up once it ended, cuz certainly I was hoping to enjoy more with open eyes than dreaming away in sleep... Well, hardly had I known that no matter however I kept repeating it to be a cliché; I would anyways land up, as always, being a part of it...
It was precisely, 29th of September, on a much hyped beach of Goa... After roaming on endless beaches all evening, it was time we took a li'l rest, and what better could have been than the warm sandy beach by the continuous waves of the Arabian Sea, under the starlit turquoise sky, and not to forget a mixed floating musical backdrop... Yeah, this was how I always wanted my evenings to be, and that added the extra bit of amazing fulfilled twist to my experience... I was happy, in a really happy state, and in my own world of pure indulgence...Right then, yeah right then, in middle of the ecstatic environment, I was hit by a sight that brought me down straight to where I had always started... To there, where, my sorrow haunted me, my bruised soul screamed, and yeah, there where I never willingly wanted to go back, but eventually ended up going back again and again...
On that silvery beach, to my left, at a mere distance of 15 meters, was a group of guys, most likely to be bachelors, in their own world with an enormous amount of liquors, fags and of course music... In that group of around 10 guys, there were 2, strumming on their guitars, and the others joining them in singing out loud, sometimes continuously, and sometimes in bits and pieces... Although, there was no staged harmony in the musical tribute, yet it was no less than a bunch of sheer careless joy floating around, cuz of the vibes from the music created by those almost hung over guys in the gang... We, the group I was in, started enjoying the scene and the music too, and in no time, we joined the gang of guys, only to realize we did good doing so... Well, till then nothing apart from the joy and music had caught ours, particularly my attention...But, at one point, suddenly I felt my heart skip, violently, and I realized, I was almost in the verge of being numb with surprise, or should I say shock... And what caused that??? A sight that I never thought I would experience in this way, atleast not in this sudden, non-planned trip of mine... Yeah, to my horror, or terror, or to my anonymous emotional shock, I spotted a face in that gang, which, once upon a time, was the most important one in my life... A face, that used to inspire me all through, to think beyond; a face that used to remind me always that I was loved and cared; a face that always used to show that I was special; and yeah, a face that used to have all the reasons to make me smile... And now, I saw that one face, humming along with the beats of the guitar, just, just a few meters away from where I was sitting… I was in utter loss of words, and maybe expressions too, cuz, I didn't know how to react and, thereby, in a word, I stood still where I was... Yeah, in that small crowd that face was there too, that resembled the person, with whom I was in a relationship for a very long, or a very short, duration of 4 and half years...I couldn't really understand whether it was my illusion, or he was really there... Maybe he was actually him, or maybe he just resembled only on face... But, the bygone 3 years that we were not in touch were more than enough for me to gather a layer of dust on my confidence to be happy to see him....
I didn’t know how to react, I couldn't decide whether I should pay more attention to him to find out if he was the same guy I was assuming him to be, or should I just run away from the place, to just escape from the already turned strange situation... My eyes were unfaithful to me, and despite my cruel attempts to resist, they concentrated on that face... And, then, there he was, taking a pause from humming, and suddenly staring back at me, and also waving at me, for, he knew I was continuously looking at him, maybe taking him to be somebody else... Then, and only then, I realized, all this while, I actually was in an illusion, cuz, no doubt he had a similar face, but if I was li'l more attentive, I would have known that he was not the same person I was thinking him to be...
We exchanged li'l gestures, exchanged pleasantries, and I pretended I was enjoying the music and the evening... But, inside me had already started a battle... I was unable to figure out why I had to mistake a stranger's face to be someone I was not supposed to think of... I had no clue why on earth, of all the people, this one particular face, I keep going back searching for, almost all the time, which had decided to part ways from my life years ago, and at a point I needed him the most... I failed to understand why after gathering so much bitterness from his actions I still managed to fool myself around not to scrape away his memories from my mind... I didn't know, and could never justify, why I, despite being always repellent towards accepting pain, still brought back memories that hardly spared my heart of bleeding... And, I had no answer to myself, why on earth, of all the moments I choose the happiest and also the saddest one, to hallucinate about him around me… And, this time, while it was my happiness that was supposed to keep me occupied, I decided to spot someone resembling his face and thus brought him back to my world… And, honestly I fail to understand, why I did so…And, that somehow makes me realize, that, maybe it’s been always like that, that whenever I’m in my own world of happiness, and joy, I end up looking for that particular person around me… Maybe it’s always been like that, that I actually never let that person leave my memories and my imagination… Maybe, it’s always been like that, that I kept that person alive in my world of fantasy and illusion… Or, maybe it’s always been like that, that I decided to be this way forever, atleast to be with him in my world of dreams…And, honestly, this doesn’t make me really happy, in my practical state… And, in my consciousness, I always look for opportunities to just stay away from all of it… But, alas, an illogical idiot and a lost-in-love heart don’t have much differences, and maybe, maybe that’s why similar evenings like this one would keep coming back repetitively to my life, and yeah, I’m so certain about it…
The silvery moonlit beach was no less than a fairytale land, the whispering waves made the already amazing place even more dramatic… As I got back to my senses, recovering slowly from the shock of the sudden moment crossing my path a while ago, I decided to take a walk down the edges of the dancing waves… I took my slippers off and soaked my feet in the sandy water… I felt fresh… As I walked a li’l inside the water I realized, maybe, maybe my memories are like these waves; that come to touch the edges again and again, but also go back to unknown limits the next very moment, and that’s how they’re meant to be… And, actually, that’s a good thing, cuz, what’s the point scraping away some beautiful moments from life, only cuz they somehow got overshadowed by some bad ones… And, so, it's alright even if my memories bring back that one person to my life again and again... Somehow, the thought made me feel a li’l better... I started letting myself loose on the soaked sand…
I looked back at the still happily singing guys... They were now playing Greenday… ‘Wake me up when September ends…’… I smiled in the dark... Yeah, like every other year, this year too, I found my reason to hum the same… I smiled to myself… But this time, I smiled with a certain freshness in my breath… Cuz, I was certain, maybe like this evening, and the past many, every year I would continue finding the same, and well, that would again be a logically completely unrelated, but strangely related reason to me…Nonetheless, I would not be scared to love to get lost in the feeling... But I would also make sure that, I would wait, to get woken up, when September actually ends… Cuz, like the way the waves go back inside the sea to be the calm surface of water, I'm sure my life would also find reasons to get normal, once the disturbing rush of memories fade away...
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