Practically, it's that time of my life, when I'm supposed to think about relationships on a serious note, should start thinking about getting a partner for life, and thereby think about starting a family...But, the
things constantly happening around me, just do not let me think on that line...What's worse, I have no clue, if any day I will be able to take things the way I'm supposed to, or rather take things easy and
practically, rather than taking them in a complicated and logical way...I guess, I really need to take a serious call...A call on letting myself see that at times, we need to witness a few emotional nightmares, need to go through a not-so-exciting roller coaster ride of emotional cacophony, need to make a few sacrifices, need to let few things go…and most importantly need to get ourselves together to resume the journey called life, all over again…
Well, I don't want to be philosophic and comment on anything that interests different individuals differently and thereby don't want to analyze anything from anyone's point of view...But personally, I'm certainly disturbed with human relationships being exploited the way they are (at least around me)...And all I can do is, scream from inside 'Why', and keep screaming...Certainly, I have no answer to my whys...And, I get confused even more, disturbed even more and lose faith in people even more with these unanswered whys of mine...Wish, things were little different, and wish I didn’t have to come across people who break trusts, insult faith and feelings of any kind don’t bother them...But, the saddest part is things don't happen the way we wish to, and hence, even I have been witnessing incidents and accidents that have left my heart bruised and me completely perplexed...And certainly it's not a feeling I ever wished to go through, at all...
Coming back to the root of my outbursts, I fail to understand one basic thing…It’s about relationships between two matured individuals….When two people get into a relationship, it means TWO PEOPLE are into it...And, that means, a decision that has importance and significance in both of their lives, should be taken on the basis of mutual understanding and relevance, and not as per only one's will, wish and convenience....But, in reality it doesn't seem to happen that way...In most of the situations, it so happens that when it comes to minor avoidable matters (including what time one gets up, what he ate in lunch, what he's planning for in the evening), apparently one cares to share each and everything, and, on the other hand, the important decisions of life are taken without the other person's concern, in fact without even knowledge...What's worse, these decisions are those ones, which can make or break an individual (and if he happens to be a little weak, those might even end one's life)...But, no, while taking these decisions, it so happens that, the other person is kept in sheer darkness...He doesn't even know, something is about to happen, and certainly is unknown to the repercussions of the same...It sounds so strange and unreal, and non-practical, and untrue, but, hell yeah, these do happen, and are constantly happening in the world...Well, I can forget about the world at this moment, cuz, these days these sort of things are happening around me, with people who are my dear and near ones...And, truly speaking these are making me lose faith in people, emotional connections and certainly relationships...I know I’m not being right on my part and being cruel to myself, but, well, I'm helpless...
Whatever I know from my limited knowledge on social science, history, anthropology, and anything of that sort, I always knew that, the one thing that holds the utmost importance in human society since time unknown, is relationships, which is again, a collective definition of love, emotions and feelings...And, that's how the human society was supposed to be...Relationships mattered more than anything, marriages were meant for lives, and words like commitment, dedication, togetherness were worshipped in all the ages...But, today, all these seem utterly meaningless...At a single time, people dare to carry on with a marriage, along with two other people (of course none knows about none) outside it...At a single time, people can be with two people, completely different from each other...Why!!!! Cuz, they want to experience both the worlds...Hell, yeah...That’s happening these days, in our so called edgy society, and we are witnessing it on a daily basis…We’re not able to do anything even if we witness these happening to others, and there comes a time, when these happen with us too…And yes, again, we are not able to anything…We cry, we crib, we curse the person who did wrong with us, we analyze every possible reason why those happened with us, we find faults in ourselves, we lock ourselves away from others for a while…And then, we come back to the real world, where these things have turned into something very common, and worse, people take it so easy…Are they really so practical???Or just that they are running out of emotions to even show how shocked they are???Could be anything…Yes, it could be anything…And why not, everything and everyone is so casual today, and more than that, unpredictable today…
I fail to understand, aren't these things, incidents and accidents completely based on materialistic happiness???And the sadistic part is, these happinesses are momentary and even those involved in those know it...But, they happen to ignore them...Reasons???It doesn't matter as long as they are finding some pleasure…Even if that’s at the cost of their loved ones’ tears…It doesn’t matter as long as they are sure of not looking back at those moments (and they are certainly sure of this)…And, yes, it’s pure selfishness…I realize, you need to be individualistic and self-centered to make it big in life, but hell, not selfish…Cuz, the moment you be selfish, all you think about is you and your happiness, even if that comes at the cost of others’ broken heart, bruised soul and crashed identity…Is it fair???Certainly not…But, why we fail to see that???No one has the answer…
Well, I’m certainly in a maze these days…In that maze, I’m losing the capacity to judge people, on the basis of what they portray…Losing the capacity to understand what makes human relationships survive, despite of thousand blows on them…Losing the capacity to realize the difference between situational demand and people’s actual motive…Losing the capacity to absorb the actual reality and prevailing reality…Yes, I’m in a maze…And my emotions running deep, can find no relevance to the world I’m exposed to…I know, these emotions are true, and honest but, I’m scared to even show this vulnerable side of mine to the world…Cuz, after witnessing what can happen to one with an emotional depth, I’m scared, lest my emotions too suffer from the same…Lest, I’m made to witness situations which will bruise my complete being…Yes, I’m scared…I don’t want to be a soul screaming out for help, but is unheard…And, probably that’s why, I’m thinking, I need to stay away…Away from all the agony, pain, tears and helplessness a situation could create… In a word, away from an emotional relationship…
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